Week One of the Cranial Remolding Band (aka Helmet)

Ansel just finished his first week of wearing his cranial remolding band, aka helmet, and it's going well. Overall he's a pretty chill baby anyway, and he eased into the helmet without a problem. Over the past week, he gradually built up his time wearing the helmet until he was wearing all 23 hours a day. Day one was one hour on, one hour off. Day two was two hours on, one hour off, and so on for the rest of the week until he wore it all day. The one hour that we take it off is the hour that we clean it with a mild soap and let it dry out. He hasn't acted like it is hindering him or getting in the way, and continues to play, smile, and eat normally, although his head has been a little sweaty. The specialists say that will go away after a few weeks as his head adjusts to having it on. I am just glad that he is wearing it in the winter, because he is hot-blooded, and I bet he would be sweating like crazy if he had it in the summer.

I was concerned with being able to breastfeed with the helmet. It's not very large, maybe a 1/2 inch thick, but is difficult to nurse in the cradle hold. When I'm home, it's easy enough to nurse side-lying on the bed with the helmet on (hello, naptime after work for momma!) but I just take it off to nurse if he is nursing in the cradle hold. I check with the doctor today about that and he said it was just fine to take it off for that 20-30 minutes when I need to nurse. It's just now that I've gotten the hang of nursing, I don't really want to give it up. Plus, of course, I know it's better for Ansel and cheaper too!

He continues to have therapy for the torticollis once a week, plus we do stretching and even more tummy time than before at home. I see the improvements and the therapist has told me that she is very happy with his progress and he is right on pace with the other milestones like sitting, which makes me feel so much better.

We decided to design the helmet as Captain America's helmet. I really wanted it to look like some kind of a real-life helmet, not just a design (though there were some cute "fixin' my flat" designs). So I spray-painted it blue, then added the "A" and wings decals with puffy paint, and covered the whole thing with Mod Podge. I need to go over it again with a clear spray paint because the Mod Podge doesn't hold up to water the best.

To be honest, I never would have wanted all these issues, and of course prayed for a healthy baby. Between therapy, consultations, helmet fittings, and normal checkups, we have had around 15 appointments in the two months, with most of those in the last month. I'm ready to have my evenings at home back! But of course I know this is best for him, and want his little head to be round and normal like everyone else. I keep trying to trust God and look to Him for strength on those tired days. Somehow I am getting close to seven hours of sleep a night, and can make it on that much. One thing that I am really struggling with lately is keeping up with my Bible reading. It's just so hard to fit it in. I know I could read on my phone while nursing, but I just don't feel like I can focus like I should then. And with working, my evenings are  maxed out with just keeping up with dinner and chores. I'm not doing a bunch of extra cleaning or something either, just the minimum. (Like dishes get done about twice a week! Bathrooms? haha.... twice a month maybe...) We teach Sunday School twice a month, host a weekly Bible study, I try to participate in Meal Trains... I know everyone is busy, and I'm not saying mine is worse or anything. I'm just saying I'm struggling to get my Bible reading in, and it is frustrating because I have always been super consistent on reading every day. The truth is, I really miss it and long for that intimacy with God. So I am determined to find a way to make time. Maybe just 20 minutes, but I have to find a way. I need the Word. NEED it. Pray for me if you can, that I will be able to make time to read. Shoot, even writing this post takes time, which I could be reading! And I realize that, but I know several people wanted updates on Ansel, so I wanted to be able to do that for them. Sigh. Balance. It's so elusive.

My baby has plagiocephaly

After expressing concerns to our pediatrician about Ansel's flat spot, she referred us to a specialist at Dayton Children's Hospital. The nurse practitioner diagnosed Ansel with plagiocephaly, mild torticollis, and mild truncal hypotonia. So much for all those chiropractor visits, tummy time, and stretching at home. His poor little head is still having some issues.

I was very emotional about all this after the appointment, and I still am. As a parent, I try to do everything that I possibly can to make sure Ansel grows up healthy. For these issues to be appearing is disheartening, especially when I love him so much. But I have to keep a level head and take steps to improve the situation. So here's the breakdown of each issue.

The plagiocephaly (flattening of the head as the skull forms) merely cosmetic, and if we didn't do anything, it is very likely to lessen and perhaps even go away. Ansel's flat spot is of the back left of his head, but when you look at his head from above, it actually looks like a parallelogram. In fact, his ears are not quite aligned either. The NP told us that many times it does improve on its own. Between 0-6 months is the fastest growth, then 6-12 slows down some, and after 12 months is the slowest growth period. So the sooner we address it, the better. See pic below:

The torticollis (shortening/tightness of neck muscles (SCM) on one side) is most likely the cause of the plagiocephaly, because Ansel has favored the left side since the first few weeks. We started taking him to the chiropractor around a month for adjustments and learned stretching to do, and definitely saw some improvement in how much he favored the left side. For example, in the first month he would always fall asleep looking to the left, and began to fall asleep looking straight up or to the right. We did tummy time, placed bright toys to the right, and constantly tried to turn his head when he was sleeping. However, at 5 months he still has a mild case of torticollis.

The mild truncal hypotonia (head lag) is perhaps connected with the above concerns. This doesn't worry me as much because it seems like a more normal thing for a baby to develop at a difference pace.

To address these concerns, Ansel will be starting physical therapy this week and is going to be fitted for a cranial remolding helmet. Yikes!! My kid is going to be in a helmet?? Yep, 23 hours a day for 4-6 months or until the flat spot goes away. The helmet works not by putting pressure on the skull, but by keeping pressure off. In a way I feel embarrassed and just silly, but the bottom line is that I want the plagiocephaly corrected as soon as possible. It's expensive though... in the ballpark of $2,500. I'm hoping that insurance will pay, but if not I'm glad that we have this in our HSA (though it will pretty much wipe us out for the year). But it's worth it to me.

What I want is for my baby to grow up healthy and love God. He doesn't have to be the Gerber baby model. That's not the point of the helmet. (In the back of my mind though, I know it would break my heart if I didn't do anything and it ended up not rectifying itself, and then he was bullied because of it.) Don't we all want the best for our kids? I sure do. Walking into Children's last week, I kept having flashbacks of appointments for my little sister Ratona for her seizures, planning brain surgery, and therapy afterwards. That emotional story is a post for another day, but let me just say it was unnerving to be in the same place. I'll be honest and say I prayed many times for a healthy baby that would not have to face all the difficulties that she did. I know, I repeat, I KNOW this is nowhere near the magnitude of that situation, but geez, I am really trying to trust God and also do my part to help Ansel be as healthy as possible. I know every situation is a chance to trust God and bring Him glory, so I'm trying to do that as we start this journey.

Easy Oatmeal Bars

Looking to get your oats in but still have a sweet tooth? Behold! Easy Oatmeal Bars!! This easy recipe can be customized to your mood or the season with various fillings. Lately I've been experimenting with caramel and pumpkin, though the original recipe calls for jam. You could also use chocolate chips, applesauce, apple butter, strawberry jelly, peanut butter, nuts, raisins, Nutella, etc for the filling. It's not hard to bake and goes together fast. There's even a bit of sweet-salty thing going on from the butter in the crust. Mmmm!

Easy Oatmeal Bars
2 c. quick oats, uncooked
1 3/4 cup wheat flour (or white)
2 T ground flax seed
1 c. firmly packed brown sugar (or make 1/4 cup of that honey)
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 cup real butter
1 to 1 1/2 cups of your choice of filling

Combine oats, flour, flax seed, brown sugar, salt, and baking soda in large bowl. Melt and stir until the mixture is crumbly and butter is evenly dispersed. Press 2/3 of mixture firmly in the bottom of a greased 9x13 pan. Spread filling evenly over crust, then sprinkle remaining crumble mixture over top. Bake at 400 for 25-30 minutes, or until golden brown. Let cool and cut into squares.

Filling note: Try 1 cup of old fashioned caramel as filling. Or, mix 1 c. pumpkin plus 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 tsp ginger, 1/4 tsp allspice, and 1/4 tsp nutmeg and use as filling. I even did a pumpkin-caramel filling and it was delicious!!


Pictured below: Old fashioned caramel with chocolate chip filling

Postpartum Running

After four months, I've finally swapped walking for running. While I'm only doing a mile, I'm still pretty proud that I am running the whole mile, and running it at my half marathon race pace from last year (about 11 minutes). I'm not fast, but I'm moving! As I build up my strength and endurance, I'm hoping to get back to running 3-4 miles, three times a week.

While it is hard to make time to run, I am determined that I need to be healthy to be the best mom I can be, so I will make running a priority. With Ansel at 17.9 pounds at his checkup this week, I can't wear him in the front carrier without my back being strained, so it seemed natural to switch back to running. I know that I can find a back carrier to walk with him, but I haven't gotten around to that yet. So running it is. 

It seriously feels good to run again. I know I am one of those odd people who likes to run... but really, getting a good workout makes me feel like maybe I just will be able to knock off those last 5 pounds of baby weight. I honestly would have started back sooner, but to be honest, nursing makes everything tender and it wasn't until I found a really good sports bra that I would even try again. Even with the amazing Jill DD bra, I still have to double layer bras. I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but it was really the only way I had enough support to run. Once I stop nursing, I can't wait to wear this bra without another layer

So let me tell you about the Jill DD bra. It's awesome for those with blessed bosoms. It's super supporting, with lots of ways to adjust. First, it has four sets of back hooks to get the perfect amount of snug on the band. Then, it also has cushioned adjustable straps that fold up and Velcro for the right fit. (PS- you can actually wear this sports bra as a nursing bra!!) It has a mesh stabilizer layer on the front that is supportive and prevents show-through. Worth every penny, I tell you!! What a great sports bra.

On a completely unrelated note, last Friday was Talk Like a Pirate Day and Krispy Kreme gave away a free dozen donuts if you were dressed like a pirate. Since Justin, Ansel, and I all dressed up, we walked away with three dozen donuts. They were fresh off the line and still warm when we ate them. SOOOO good. We might have polished off a whole dozen before we left the store. And that is why I have to run! Haha!

Saving Time as a Busy Mom

Going to back to work this fall has been full of mixed emotions. I do enjoy my job and I feel like I get blessed with great students year after year. Yet I miss Ansel while I am gone, and I still have to keep up with all the everyday tasks that were easier to stay on top of before our precious little one came along. Justin is also finishing his last year of PTA school, so this adds some stress into the mix since he is gone two nights a week and has studying to do when he is home. Before he was in school, we basically split all our duties in half since we both worked (I know, pretty progressive, right?) Now, he has school and I have Ansel to feed, so it's still basically split, although I am trying to do as much as I can to help him since his evenings are more structured than mine. (By the way, I swear I could write a dissertation on the difference between scheduled responsibilities and flexible time to get things done.)

With all that said, here are a few things I am doing to keep myself partially sane.

• Make freezer meals on the weekends for the next week.
• Make two of everything so that I have leftovers and don't have to cook two nights in a row. 
• Buy meat in larger quantities and divide them into small portions and freeze. 
• Cook (boil) chicken ahead of time and shred or chop for easy meal prep. 
• Limit grocery shopping trips by keeping a list and only going to the store once a week.  
• Designate one day a week for house cleaning (sweeping, dusting, bathrooms, laundry). 
• Pack lunches the night before. 
• Pack pumping supplies the night before. 
• Pick out clothes the night before. 
• Cook a dozen scrambled eggs Sunday night and store in the fridge so I have a healthy breakfast each morning.
• Split duties with hubby. Me: dinner, dishes - Him: trash, mowing - Both: laundry, other chores
• Keep up with my social life (phone calls, texts to close friends, Facebook stalking...haha) while nursing. 
• Be efficient in my work at school so that when I am home, I can focus on my hubby and babe. 

I am feeling pretty tired in the evening though, and I'll admit that I fall asleep nursing sometimes. It's sure hard to get to bed before 10 PM with getting all three bags ready (school bag, pumping bag, diaper bag) and everything else, but I am really trying. At least Ansel is sleeping like a champ 8:30-9 PM to 6 AM. My daily schedule looks something like this:

5:20 Rise and shine!
6:00 Nurse Ansel
6:45 Finish getting ready while Justin burps and changes Ansel
7:10 Drop Ansel off at sitter's
7:30-3:00/3:15 Work
3:30 Pick up Ansel
3:45-5:00 Get dinner ready, eat, clean up
5:00 Nurse Ansel and play with him
6:00 Housework, leisure, bills, etc
7:00 Exercise at least 3x a week
8:00 Nurse Ansel
9:00 Get ready for next day, read Bible
10:00 To bed!

What do you do to save time while working and raising a family?  I'm definitely looking for suggestions to better maximize my time.

The State of Country Music Today... sigh...

Has anyone else notice how sexualized country music has become? I miss the old days. And so do the singers Maddie and Tae. I love their new song and video, "Girl in a Country Song." But first watch "Why Country Music Was Awful in 2013" and you will see why their song is so needed.

Three Months Postpartum

My baby is fifteen weeks old. I am back to work this fall, and he is at the sitter's during the day. I don't like leaving him. It's hard for me to trust someone else to take care of my baby, even if it was my own mother. And I know the ladies I have watching him are very caring too!! I might be a little obsessive since I made a chart for the sitter to fill out with how many ounces he at eat meal, how long he slept, poopy and wet diapers.... But I just love Ansel so much. I want him to grow and develop and thrive.

I really don't doubt that he's thriving. Two weeks ago, he had almost doubled his birth weight, so I think he is probably pretty close to it now. He likes to lay under the gym and bat at the toys, and is grabbing onto the rings too. I hang them from his car seat so he has something to swat at too. He kicks his legs and swings his arms like crazy. While he's not quite there, he can just about touch his toes, grabbing at his legs and shins.  His neck muscles during tummy time are great, although he still favors turning to the left side. He makes lots of noise like he wants to tell a story, and it's really fun to listen to him. He smiles. Oh, the smiles. I live for them.

In short, Ansel is doing great.

I am doing pretty good too. I still have about eight pounds to go, and I feel like I have been stuck here for a month. That is frustrating. But I keep telling myself that it will come gradually, and to just eat healthy and be patient. It really stinks not being able to fit back into my clothes right now. Almost can, but not quite! I still don't think I am over giving birth... it just was really hard. I am convinced more and more that the birth process is different for everyone. For some it's easier or faster, and for some, it's longer and more painful. I wish I wasn't in the latter category...

Breastfeeding is going pretty well too. At thirteen weeks, Ansel decided he only wanted to eat every four hours, so he eats at 6 am, 10 am, 2 pm, 5:30 pm, and 8:30 or 9 pm. That's just five times a day. (I was totally content with keeping him at six times a day (every three hours) but he just wasn't eating at those times). Since two of those times I am at work, I pump just once at work right in the middle of the day. Thankfully I can pump over ten ounces in about ten minutes, so I can make up for this just fine. Usually Ansel is eat around five to six ounces from a bottle of breast milk during his daytime feedings. I am glad that I am able to keep up with it. My goal is to reach six months. If things keep going like they are, I might go longer though.We will see.

I think that's a simple summary of where we are now. Gotta get ready for tomorrow now!

Lemon-Lime Cucumber Spears

Overgrown cucumbers overtaking you? Here's a sweet canning recipe for your tastebuds! I got the idea for this concoction from my mom's cinnamon rings. I figured that if you could  flavor cucumbers cinnamon, then why not lemon-lime? Both are strong flavors. So these are "pickled" with apple cider vinegar and turn out to be a very sweet treat. I will be using some of these at Christmas for gifts.

Lemon-Lime Cucumber Spears
Cucumbers
Apple cider vinegar
Sugar
Lime juice
Lemon juice
Alum
Green and yellow food coloring

Day One
1. Peel and seed cucumbers and cut into spears to fit the size of the jars you will be using. You need about 8-10 cups. Place in large container.
2. Mix one cup pickling lime with about 4 quarts of water to cover spears. Let sit overnight.

Day Two
3. Drain and rinse spears.
4. In saucepan, bring to boil: 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar,  2 tsp alum, and green and yellow food coloring (to desired color) with spears. Simmer at least an hour. Drain. Pack into jars.
5. Begin heating canner for a hot water bath. Have lids and rings ready.
6. In another saucepan, bring to boil: 1 c. cider vinegar, 1 c. water, 5 c. sugar, 1/2 cup lemon juice, 1/2 cup lime juice, and green and yellow food coloring (to desired color).
7. Pour syrup over packed jars, leaving about an inch of head space. Put on lids and rings. Process 10 minutes in boiling hot water bath.
8. Remove jars from hot water bath and let cool until jars seal. Let sit for several days for flavor absorption. Enjoy chilled.

Canning Season Totals 2014

This post may be slightly premature, but I'm SO stoked about how much I was able to preserve this summer, I have to write about it. It's been crazy busy with Ansel, but luckily my mom is here and has helped me with a lot of it. Some I have done bits at a time, while others have been a massive haul in one day. My garden definitely didn't perform like I wanted it to. I planted green beans, zucchini, tomatoes, peppers, peas, cucumbers, a melon, and gourds. The green beans did well until something started eating the leaves off; I canned maybe half of what I did the year before. The peas looked awesome until...something ate them. The zuchinni did great, though they had their share of blossoms and even leaves eaten. The tomatoes are still going, but I swear they are ripening one at a time. (Because of this, I bought 50 lbs at Meijer and used those) Nothing happened with the cucumber or melon, though I have a wonderful friend who gave me some of her too-big cucumbers. A few gourds are growing on the fence. Even with all that, here's the totals:

25 half pints of salsa
8 pints of tomato juice
15 pints of spaghetti sauce
43 quarts of green beans (about half are from my mom's garden; of these she canned some for me)
8 half pints of cinnamon sticks + 5 pints of cinnamon rings
8 half pints + 2 pints of lemon-lime cucumber spears
17 quart freezer bags of shredded zucchini
7 quart freezer bags of strawberries (from my mom's)

I still had some frozen apples and corn left, as well as some green beans and tomato sauces. I'm pretty well stocked. I love knowing what is in my food!!!! I might have a few more items to finish up into fall (apples and tomatoes) but the bulk of it is done. Whew. About time to prop my feet up!

Working Mom Dilemma

I have to admit that thinking of returning to work has brought me to tears several times over the last week. Just a few weeks are left before I return to teaching after being off since the beginning May, when my son Ansel was born. Do I want to stay home? Absolutely. Is it feasible right now for my family? Nope. My husband is about to start clinicals in September for his physical therapy assistant program, and therefore cannot work. So I'm the breadwinner this year. But back it up, because maybe looking at the whole story will give some perspective.

We were married five years ago, after my husband finished college (I had already graduated and been teaching for two years). We didn't want kids right away, for a couple of reasons. First, we wanted to get to know each other really well and have that foundational relationship super strong before kids came and started vying for attention. Second, we looked at it financially. We still had loans to pay off. I was doing grad school. Third, we were far away from our immediate family. Fourth, well, we just didn't want kids yet! But as time moves on, that itch starts to get stronger. I saw my sister having my adorable niece and nephew, and those in my age group at church were multiplying their family members. When we moved back to Ohio and bought our house, our loans were more manageable, and I realized I wasn't getting younger any time soon. Sure, it would be great to have the loans completely paid off, the car completely paid off, etc. But time just keeps ticking. I didn't want to wait much longer to have kids, because every thing will never be totally in order. Although I would like to feel completely in control, even if we waited another five years to have things paid off, something else would come up. My point is that I don't think there is really a perfect time to have kids. There will always be something that I want to accomplish (like build a house) but for me, to keep putting off kids was to try to trust myself and my plans more than I trusted God.

So at 27, we got pregnant and I had my first baby. He is so precious! Meanwhile my husband is back in school for his physical therapy assistant program, which ends after this year. As I mentioned before, he will not be able to work, so I will be the one bringing home the money this year. Of course I have worked for the past seven years, but this year we will have my income as the sole income. Financially this do-able, though we will have to be more careful than we have been in the past. House projects are on hold, and extra shopping is reduced (noticed I did not say eliminated-ha!).

But I am now a working mom. Childcare is going to cost me about $500 a month, which is just about as much as our house payment! While the sitter is just a few houses down, I will still miss Ansel while I am away from him. I will have to balance work, my baby (and breastfeeding!), and the cooking, cleaning, etc. Of course my husband will help with house things as much as he can, but he has night classes in addition to clinicals during the day, plus study time. It is going to be busy! But life has always been busy, so it is a matter of prioritizing to me.

Many emotions have surfaced through this transition. Jealousy of the moms who stay at home. Worry about leaving my three month old. Pride that I can help take care of my family. Relief to be away from the constant care. Anxiety about if I will still be a good mom. So many emotions. So I must look to God. First, I know that the Bible says that I must care for my home and family and follow God's plan for me as a wife (Titus 2:4-5, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5). That has to be the number one priority. This year, that care extends to me being the single income for our family while my husband is in school. Second, I also know that the Bible has clear examples of women working- Deborah was a military commander, and Lydia a seller of cloth. If I look at the Proverbs 31 woman, it seems pretty clear that she is involved in business activities outside of the home like real estate, selling textiles, etc. So a mom working outside the home has a Biblical precedent. Certainly I don't think that means that all moms should work outside the home. In fact, I look forward to the day that I can stay home!

I think this issue is divisive when it should not be. Working mom vs. stay at home mom: people try to debate who is making the bigger sacrifice, who is doing what is best for the family. It really seems that the Bible has examples of both. Maybe instead we need to look at it in the context of what is best for each family, with the marriage being the primary relationship. Is the wife working when the husband does not want her to? Is the wife working because the husband is lazy? These would be different issues. However, if the husband and wife have sat down together and are in agreement with the mom working, then it seems that is best for that family. In another scenario, what if the husband cannot work? I know of a father who is struggling with a disability, and therefore the wife must work. This husband worked for the majority of their 25+ year marriage, but now is physically unable to do the work that he did before. Of course it would make sense for the mother to work now. What about the spouse who works from home the majority of the time? In one family I know, a father works from home and takes care of the children, while the mother works as a nurse. That is a good solution for them.

For me, it will be hard for me to leave my baby and go to work, but I know it is just for a time. It will be stressful to be on one income, but I am grateful that God has provided a good job for me. It will be hard to find a balance, but I know God will grant grace.

God teaches me through every season of life, and I have no doubt I will learn from this one.

American Airlines Seating Issues

I probably shouldn't write a post right now, as I am severely irritated. That said, here is the issue.

We have had our American Airlines flight booked for several weeks now, and leave in one week. When I booked, I couldn't pick seats. I called about a week ago, and the American Airlines agent directed me to the website, where I could choose seats. The agent was plenty friendly and tried to help.  But here is the issue: I am traveling with my 3 month old son as a lap infant, and would like to be seated in the back of the plane with my husband. Apparently, this is a very difficult request to fill. You see, the only seats listed online are "paid" seats (wait, I didn't I already PAY for my ticket?). Those "paid" seats are of course aisles, windows, and exit rows with leg room, and range from an extra $34 to $71 dollars. AND if I have an infant, I am not supposed to be in an exit row. The aisles and windows only have one seat available so my husband and I couldn't sit together. Only one flight of the four was I able to choose seats, on the very last flight back home.

So while I am trying to be a considerate traveler by sitting in the back with my infant, instead I have to wait until I check in at the airport to get my seat. This honestly adds considerable stress to my travel, because I am going to be juggling my baby, the car seat, and luggage while worrying if I will even be able to have my husband by my side during the flight, how I can discreetly breastfeed in whatever seat I am assigned at the last minute, and what I will do if the baby is screaming because his poor little ears hurt on takeoff and landing. I really am just trying to be considerate of others and to help our travel go smoothly.

I know that someone, somewhere has power to assign us seats. It really just seems ridiculous to me. Maybe I am overreacting, but this whole situation really irritates me. I have never had this kind of scenario with other airlines and flights, so American Airlines will definitely not be on the top of my list when selecting my next flight.

Babywise Bashing

It really makes me sad when people bash Babywise. Usually, said people haven't even read the book! I'm fine if you have read the book and disagree with the philosophy, but read the book first. It's like saying you are a Republican (or Democrat or Green) just because your family is. You have to do the research yourself to make informed opinions. With that being said, I would like to post on some of the common misconceptions about Babywise.

1. Babywise babies are malnourished. 
 The premise of Babywise from birth on is that the baby should get a full feeding. If a baby is getting a full feeding each time he or she eats, then the baby will be getting plenty of nutrition, especially from breastfeeding mothers (many people do not realize that formula-fed babies can be on Babywise too). When a baby has a full belly, of course it will be able to go longer between feedings. The authors are very clear that in the first 1-2 weeks, the mother should feed the baby whenever the baby is hungry. Furthermore, while establishing a routine, the authors continually refer to growth charts for baby weight gain to tell mothers not to rush to space out feedings, because growth is the most important part in feeding. 

2. Babywise babies are hyper-scheduled. 
The term that Babywise uses to describe their style of feeding is parent-directed feeding (PDF). That means that the parent makes and informed decision about when to feed the baby. The baby is part of the larger family, which includes mom and dad and perhaps older siblings as well. Therefore, creating a routine that fits both baby and family means that everyone is getting the attention that they need. Dad and mom can still have their relationship, and older children still have time to spend with mom and dad too. In the early weeks, the mother will establish a first feeding that stays within a half-hour start time each morning, and the rest of the day falls into a routine after that first feeding. For example, the parent may set a start time of 6:30 am. If the baby wakes up hungry at 6:00 am, go ahead and feed him. Or if he is sleeping, wake him by 7:00 am to stay on a flexible schedule.  Younger babies will be eating every 2 to 2 1/2 hours, and as they grow they will lengthen the time between feedings to 3 or 3 1/2 hours. Flexibility is emphasized. Let's say the baby usually eats at 9:30 am but another sibling has an appointment at 10:00 am. Mother can make the decision to feed the baby early at 9:00 am in order to have the feeding done and make it to the appointment. Or, if the family is traveling on a plane and the baby is crying, the book encourages mom to consider others and not wait to feed him.

3. Babywise babies are left to cry without comfort for hours. 
While the authors state that crying is part of a baby's day and that the baby may cry when put down to nap, they do not say that the baby should cry for hours. It is important to realize that babies do not cry just because of hunger. Maybe their diaper needs changed, or they have a burp that needs to come out, or they want some snuggle time. If the baby had a full feeding an hour ago, it may not be hunger. PDF encourages parents to go through all the scenarios to find the source of the baby's cry. The authors also state explicitly that hunger is always a reason to feed the baby before his or her next routine feeding. The authors also warn mothers to keep an eye out for growth spurts, because baby will need to eat more frequently during those times and motherwill need to adjust the routine to meet the baby's needs.

4. Babywise babies are unhappy and have unmet emotional needs. 
This myth goes back to the idea that the baby is crying for hours without comfort, which is not happening. In reality, a predictable routine brings peace in knowing what to expect. Babies who fall into the routine wake up cooing from naps, not crying. (And I can attest that this is personally true with my baby). Furthermore, the routine developed in Babywise starts with feeding, then moves to wake time and finally nap time. The authors encourage much interaction, cuddling, and playing together during wake time, and has a whole chapter with activities to do with your baby during these times. If the mother and father are interacting with the baby in these alert times after feeding, this is where many emotional needs can be met. The physical need to eat is different than the emotional need for interaction. Certainly one can interact while eating, but it is not the only time emotional needs can be met.

5. Babywise mothers will have milk supply issues.
Again, a hyper-schedule is not what Babywise is about. In early weeks the authors warn not to let the baby sleep more than five hours between feedings at night, and to keep to 2 to 2 1/2 hours during the day, gradually moving up as the baby gets older and the stomach expands to hold more food. If the baby is nursing long enough to get full feedings each time, the mother's breast will be emptied and then fill again for the next feeding. Emptying the breast keeps milk supply up, but snack feedings may hurt milk supply. The book clearly talks about how when baby starts to sleep through the night, mom may need to feed more during the day to have enough stimulation (all mothers are different) so mom should keep an eye out. It also discourages moving too fast to eliminate night feedings or day feedings because of the same reason.

6. Babywise mothers are selfish and do not love their children.
It is not selfish to want a good night's sleep in order to have energy to take care of your family. The family includes the husband, which is the primary relationship, and other siblings as well as baby. Functioning on limited sleep for months at a time takes a toll on your health and emotions. Sleeping through the night is good for both mother and baby. Mothers knows she needs to be healthy to take care her baby, so helping set a routine that leads to longer nighttime sleep is loving and advantageous to everyone in the family.

**************************************

I would like to write a little about how Babywise has personally worked for me. I write this after my 9 week old son just slept 8 (yes, 8!) hours last night. During his first week, I fed him basically whenever he cried, 12 or so times a day. I realized early on that crying did not always equal hunger, so I changed a diaper or held him before I offered the breast if he had just eaten. I did feed him very frequently though and really, really worked to get a full feeding- tickling his feed, talking to him, blowing lightly on his face. He was nursing up to 20 minutes on each side and got used to feeling full. Even but the end of that week though, I was so worn out, so starting about week two I began to space feedings out, but really this happened pretty naturally since he was having a full stomach. From week three through about six, he was eating every three hours in the morning (6, 9, 12, 3) and then evening feedings would be 2 1/2 hours apart. Even at three to four weeks, he was going four hours between feedings at night, which allowed me three hours for sleep. Then I stopped waking him up after the last evening feeding (10 or 11 pm) around a month and he would go five hours between feedings, gradually working up to six hours some nights. Whatever time he got up in the night, I would try to feed him around 6:30 in the morning (sometimes 6, or 7) to establish that first morning feeding because I will be going back to work in the fall, and he will have to be on a schedule then anyway. Since he was about six weeks old, he has only got up for that early morning (3 or 4 am) feeding a handful of times. It has been great!! I feel so much better having slept. I can spend time with my hubby during Ansel's naps, get the house clean, prepare meals, even can produce from our garden. I should probably note that Ansel's eating and wake time is about 60 to 90 minutes, and then his nap is 90 to 120 minutes, filling in the rest of the three hours until his next meal. So he eats at 9:30 am, I change his diaper and get him dressed at 10 am, and then we play together, do tummy time, etc until 10:30, when he goes back to sleep for his nap. I think being on this routine will really help when I go back to work in the fall.

I realize that I have a very type-A personality and love to have a routine. I am sure that being into a routine like this might  make some people crazy who are more spontaneous. But it works for me. And actually, I hated breastfeeding at first but now I feel like I could maybe go even more than my goal of six months. Ansel is getting faster at eating (I know this comes with age) and really loves his schedule, waking up cooing from his naps. Yes, there were times of crying when we first started, but I think that would happen if we were on a routine or not. For example, he is almost always a little fussy in the evening, even if he just ate and I'm playing with him. Evening is just his fussy time. And for growth: he's 14 pounds at nine weeks, gaining over five pounds since birth. He's smiling all the time. I would say he is physically and emotionally nourished! Still, I respect people who follow a different philosophy of feeding, because each mother needs to do what she feels is best for her baby. Babywise works for me.

Happy Two Months Ansel!

Time flies when.... you have a baby. I look back at the last two months, and where did they go? They went to cuddling and family time. They went to kisses and giggles and spontaneous smiles. They went to watching Ansel gain over four pounds and few inches in length. Last week he was almost 13 pounds, and he's growing out of his 0-3 onsies and wearing some 3-6 month onsies! I just can't believe it.

At the same time, some days were slow too. I'll just be honest: those days when Ansel couldn't settle down to nap, or woke up right when I was trying to finish dinner (because yes, my husband and I still need to eat too!) Sometimes I run through all the possibilities in my head: is he hungry? does he still have a burp that's bothering him? does he need changed? is he in comfortable? does he need swaddled? does he need more cuddle time? why does he continue to favor turning his head to the left? Sometimes it is hard to know what he wants and needs, but I am doing my best. I tell myself that he is growing and he is smiling, so I must be doing something right.

So at this two month mark, let me describe Ansel to you: He is becoming quite the little chunker, with rolls popping up on his arms and legs. (Poor kid has no chance of avoiding thunder thighs with his mom and dad's gene pool). He loves to kick his legs around and wave his arms too. He often wiggles out of his swaddle by morning, and he also wiggles a foot down from where I placed him at the beginning of the night. Justin surmises that he does the worm to wiggle himself down. Speaking of the night, Ansel is sleeping about 7 hours through the night! Usually he sleeps from about 10:30- 5:30, give or take a half hour on each side. I attribute this to his hearty appetite during the day. He is down to just six nursing sessions a day, so his little tummy must have expanded to take more milk at each session. He likes to be on routine too, eating about every three hours, and he lets me know when it's time if I don't get there first. During playtime, he likes to hang out under his gym and watch the lights and hanging toys above him. He enjoys music too. He is also doing well at looking towards a voice and tracking for a short time with his eyes. His neck is getting strong too, and instead of crying through tummy time, he likes to look back and forth. During bath time, he has no reservations, sometimes cooing while I wash him. While Ansel still doesn't always smile when we are interacting, he definitely lets us know he is happy after he eats and when his cheek is tickled. His little coos and grunts keep us entertained too.

I think that I need to make sure I just enjoy each day. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking about when I should start having him listen to classical music, or if I should already be reading more to him, but I need to just enjoy where he is now. Yes, Justin and I are huge influences on who he will become. But let's not overrate ourselves. God is the one who gave us this precious life, and He already knows each tiny development that happens as Ansel grows. I need to be more focused on just praying for my baby each day, that he would become a godly child, teen, and young man. That is by far more important than what sports he will play, what instruments he will enjoy, or how well he does in school.

Happy two months Ansel! Your father and I are excited to watch you grow!

Stars and Stripes Corn Hole Boards

After several ideas, I settled on stars and stripes for the corn hole set! It really wasn't too hard to make either. Justin painted the white base coat with leftover white exterior paint from another project. For the stars, I made my own stencil with blank stencil plastic by finding a star pattern online, then printing and tracing it. When I traced them on the board, I didn't worry about keeping everything even because that would be super time consuming. I did start in the center of the board though. For the stripes, I just used painter's tape and a four foot level to space the lines, but you could use a yardstick or something like it. I started in the middle again, corner to corner, and then spaced everything else around them. To finish it off, I painted the opposite color around the hole. Ta-da!! Bring on the 4th of July!

Breastfeeding Survival 101

I've made it through six weeks of breastfeeding. They say if you make it that far, you and baby will settle into a rhythm and have a successful breastfeeding relationship. I definitely feel like I, as well as my baby, have learned a lot in the process. I've read several books, talked other moms, and now had the experience myself. I certainly don't think I'm an expert, but I would like to write about what I've learned that has helped me survive these first few weeks.  

1) Read up on breastfeeding BEFORE the baby comes. I thought, "Hey, it's the most natural thing in the world so it can't be that hard!" And yes, it is natural and beautiful, but sometimes there are some issues to work out. So read a couple books.

2) Know what positions to try. Cradle hold is most popular, but it really doesn't work well for me (I have large breasts and that might be why). I like the football hold much better, or laying down. But like I read, the nipple is a circle, so the baby can come to it from any direction, so find a position that helps the baby get the best latch.

3) Get a good latch. When the lactation consultant (LC) came the morning after my baby was born, they told me I had "nipple trauma" already. Babies know how to suckle, but they don't know how to nurse. I really had to help my baby get a deep latch, and that means I had to re-latch him frequently in the first week or so, and sometimes even still.

4) Use a nipple shield. For people who have small nipple buds, inverted nipples, or a barracuda baby, nipple shields can bring great relief and help the baby learn to latch correctly. As a friend told me, "It really takes the edge off" of the pain if the baby has a really hard suckle. I am so glad that the LC recommended this for me right away, or I would have had some serious pain. (I'm not sure if this is connected, but my baby had no problem taking a bottle of breast milk even from two days old, and I think it might be because he was used to the nipple shield. He hasn't refused any type of bottle nipple yet).

5) Get Lansinoh Gel Soothies for relief. What a lifesaver!

6) Your milk production is set in the first weeks. Therefore, you want to nurse or pump as much as possible. I pumped until I was comfortable when my milk first came in, and it helped me to have a good milk supply. Six weeks in, I can still easily pump an extra 10-15 ounces a day, and I've been freezing it for when I got back to work in the fall. I have close to 300 ounces in the freezer now.

7) Everyone has a different milk storage capacity, and it doesn't necessarily correspond with the size of the breast. For example, I can pump about five ounces from each breast. Someone else might only be able to pump two. This means that my baby might only take one breast per feeding, while another child would always take both breasts. Also, one breast may produce more than another, which you can tell when you pump.

8) Fully draining the breast at each feeding will make more milk. It's like supply and demand. If the supply is used up, the body will demand more to be made. That's why it's so important that the baby gets a full feeding each time, because it helps keep the milk supply up. Sometimes, if my baby eats 15 minutes on one breast and only 5 minutes on the other, I will pump the lesser to even it out. Or, I will just start with the lesser at the next feeding. (It depends on if I am trying to store some that day or not. I've started not doing this as much because I have a lot in the freezer already, but it's a great way to keep your milk production up and save some, especially at the beginning if you feel really full if the baby does not eat evenly).

9) Get a full feeding at each feeding. Do whatever you have to do to make sure the baby has a full belly. Tickle their feet, change their diaper, ect. Avoiding a "snack" feeding assures that the baby is getting the hindmilk, the rich fatty milk that comes after the foremilk, which quenches the thirst. Getting a full feeding also means that the baby's metabolism and hunger cycles will begin the regulate. Even if you don't like the idea of scheduling when your baby eats, getting a full feeding will naturally fall into a rhythm of 2-3 hours or so.

10) You can usually increase milk production. To increase milk production, pump after a few feedings a day to give the breast more stimulation. Also, look into what foods do and don't help breastfeeding. For me, oatmeal seems to increase my supply. Severe dieting could hurt it. Do your research on this because I can't possibly go into all those scenarios.

11) Have a flexible routine. There are many different philosophies when it comes to getting baby into a routine. I like Babywise because it encourages full feedings and naturally helps the baby fall into a schedule that you guide. For example, I try to establish the first feeding of the day at 6:30 AM. The rest of the days falls into a 3 hour schedule. However, if baby seems hungry early, I will feed him a half hour early or so. Likewise, if he's napping and I need to finish dinner, I will let him sleep a half hour and feed him when I'm done. So there is a general routine but at the same time it can flex with my day. If I have an appointment, I might move the feeding up a half hour so that I don't have to worry about feeding while I'm out or taking a bottle. The bottom line is that for me, having a routine helps me feel sane!! I remember the first week, when it is important to ignore routine and get make sure the baby gets a full feeding, that I felt like I was going crazy and not getting any rest. Now my baby has settled into a routine and I feel like a person again. I'm not yelling at my husband or emotionally unstable because of exhaustion.

12) Set a goal. I want to breastfeed for six months, or until the baby begins to take solid food. Maybe you want to go a year, or three months, or less, or more. But having a goal will help you see the end of the days where all you feel like you do is breast feed the baby. (Or maybe that's just me).

13) Everyone has a unique breastfeeding rhythm with their baby. What works for me might not work for you, and that's ok! We know that breastfeeding is the best food possible for baby, so as long as the baby is making good growth, we don't have to compare ourselves. Each mother and baby pair is unique and should do what works best for them. 

Taco Casserole

A few nights ago we had tacos, with Spanish rice to go along with them. But I always make too much rice... so needed to use it up. I came up with: Taco Casserole! I just used the leftover rice, and cooked up some thin-sliced pork for the meat. Depending on how much you have left will depend on the size of the pan you use. My pan was 7x7 or so. I made it in the morning and then put it in the oven when I started to feed my baby, so I could have it cooking at the same time. I bet this would be an easy casserole to freeze too. Perhaps the best thing is that you really don't have to worry about the proportions of the ingredients!

Taco Casserole
1-2 cans refried beans
2+ cups of leftover Spanish rice
1/2 + pound taco meat- pork, chicken, beef, etc
1 + cup salsa
cheddar cheese

Layer ingredients with refried beans on the bottom of your casserole dish, then rice, meat, salsa, and cheese on top. Bake in oven at 350 about 30 minutes or until warm in center.

Vintage Valley Cabin Review

For our anniversary, we spent the weekend in Hocking Hills and rented the Vintage Valley cabin from Lazy Lane Cabins.  We really loved the location, which was outside of Logan about 5-10 minutes on a gravel road. It was far enough to feel secluded, but not to far to go into town for dinner if you didn't want to cook. The property was several acres, with a large yard space, fire pit, and a mowed path for walking out back. We didn't even have time to explore the property fully because we went into Hocking Hills State to hike at Cantwell Cliffs.

The cabin was nice too, and I loved the historic feel of the place. The front porch has a swing for relaxing in the evenings. The galley kitchen was simple but adequate, and I appreciated that they had appliances like a blender and crock pot, as well as all of the dishes and cookware that was needed for simple meal prep. The bathroom was right off the kitchen, and small but it did the job. The living area downstairs was tastefully decorated and had a window AC unit. The only complaint we had was that there weren't directions for working the DVD play and we couldn't get our movie to play.

Up the very steep stairs were two bedrooms, one with a queen bed and one with two single beds. (Note that the room with a queen had a cute curtain doorway, but if you want privacy that might be a problem). I liked the decor upstairs too. I was country but not too overdone. There was a window AC unit in the queen room, but not the other.

The only complaint I had came at 2:30 in the afternoon, when my five week old was taking a nap, and I was trying to take one too. A phone call came to the cabin phone asking why we had an unregistered vehicle in the driveway. The problem was, there was NOT a car besides ours in the driveway, which we told them. They said a worker had reported that another car was there, but the phone was breaking up so perhaps they had the wrong cabin. The issue here was that I felt like I paid for the cabin and its seclusion, and I felt like my privacy and peace was invaded with that phone call. I can understand the no-visitor policy, but to call when they didn't have the facts straight was very irritating, especially since as a new mom I am pretty sleep deprived. Also, do they really drive around and check to see if there are extra cars in the driveway? That's weird. What if hubby and I were getting intimate on the porch? I mean, seriously I think they are a little overboard on that. Now over the course of the phone call we did say that our grandparents, who live nearby, were coming to watch the baby for a couple hours while we went to dinner (but they weren't there yet, so NO car in the driveway). The office lady said that she had to have that approved. Seriously? I'm sure that people could abuse the policy and have wild moonshine parties (stated with sarcasm) but how often really? It's a RENTAL. As the owner I would think you would realized that there is a certain amount of control you have to give up. Besides that issue, we enjoyed our stay. The location was great, though how private now I wonder...

I would probably try another cabin before I went back, though I did like a lot of things about it.

Ohio Serpent Mound Visit

My parents took me to the Serpent Mound in Peebles, Ohio when I was a kid. I remember thinking how cool it was, and since Justin had not been there before, we decided to detour on our way home from Hocking Hills to visit. It's about two hours from the Hocking Hills area and about an hour from Dayton.

The Serpent Mound is a huge (over 1,300 feet long) mound made by Native Americans in the shape of a snake. No one really knows why they did this, but several theories are out there. It could have something to do with the summer solstice or lunar phases, or their religion, or art, but it is not a burial mound. I will let you do your own research on the purpose, so see the links at the end of this post. But do go visit; it is a fascinating place. To get a good view, be sure to climb the three-story tower- it will be worth it!

The restrooms were clean and the visitor center had a gift shop and small (one-room) museum on the history. We paid $7 for our car at the visitor center on an honor system. I really like that there is a paved path all the way around the serpent mound so that the area is handicap-accessible. I think the state parks and preserves are really trying to do a better job about this in the areas that they can. Several picnic areas and a shelter were also available.

                    Tail of serpent                                   Body to head of serpent

 

View from the tower looking down

Justin heading towards the tail

Other links:
http://www.arcofappalachia.org/visit/serpent-mound-earthworks.html 
http://www.greatserpentmound.com/
http://www.ancientohiotrail.org/?q=serpentmound_temp
http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/serp/hd_serp.htm

Cantwell Cliffs Hike: Red Trail

For our five-year anniversary we got away for the weekend to the beautiful Hocking Hills region. Since I grew up in Southern Ohio, I had already been to Ash Cave, Old Man's Cave, Cedar Falls, and Conkle's Hollow. My highest recommendations go to Ash Cave and the Rock House, though Cedar Falls is nice when the waterfall is flowing. I'm just not very impressed with Old Man's Cave or Conkle's Hollow, though of course they are filled with vibrant foliage and neat rock formations. The only major area I hadn't visited was Cantwell Cliffs, which I want to write about today.

We got out the baby carrier and our hiking shoes, and took the red trail around the rim of Cantwell Cliffs. If you are planning to hike, head down the trail from the parking lot and turn right at the first opportunity past the shelter. (If you go left, you will go right down into Fat Woman's Squeeze, and it's better to save the best for last). Continuing on, you will get a good view of the cliff from the top as you come to a small foot bridge. This is probably the best view of the cliffs that you will see. (Compared to the view from the top of Ash Cave, not as impressive). It would be good to come after a rain so there is more flow in the waterfall, because there was barely a trickle when we went today. Then it's another half mile or so and you will start to head down some steps; follow the red marks on the trees to head back towards Fat Woman's Squeeze.

Cliff view from top:                                     Cliff view from bottom:

Now you are in the valley and will notice the red in the rock and cool erosion mostly to your left. I know it has a technical name but I'm not science-y enough for that. Pretty soon you will come to the view from the bottom of the cliff that I mentioned earlier. You can climb up under it pretty close and there are a few side trails, but since I had our five-week old in the carrier, we avoided anything too slippery. In fact, if you are taking small children, keep a very close eye on them! Another quarter mile from this cliff view you will see another cliff, and then head up Fat Woman's Squeeze (a two foot wide crack in the rock) to the place you started. All in all, less than two  miles, though the climbing and stairs will make you winded.

We didn't hike the yellow trail, so I can't comment on that part. It was a pretty hike, but I still like Ash Cave for a similar but more impressive hike. For truly unique rock formations though, go to the Rock House. For more water and shorter hike, go to Ash Cave, Cedar Falls, or Old Man's Cave. Cedar

Don't forget to pack the bug spray. Lots and lots of bugs!!

Garden Update

My garden is doing well! I was able to get most of the vegetables planted before I had Ansel, which was a big help. Dad put in the tomatoes for me over the last two weeks. He came over tonight and helped to weed too. Boy, it needed to be weeded! I don't remember the weeds being this bad last year!! Earlier this week I weeded the inside of the peas and around a few zinnia plants, but dad did around the green beans for me today. I still need to get between the rows. It's just so hard to get out there with Ansel and his needs right now! Still, I am pleased.

I have oregano, parsley, and chives in planters, along with some carrots.

The green beans are looking awesome (except for the weeds!)

The zucchini really came up well. I should probably thin it out some more though.

I have a short fence around my peas for them to grow up on. They were doing really well, then I think deer or some other animal got in and bit all the tops off! GRRRR!! Dad suggested putting fabric sprayed with Deer Off on the fence, and it seems to be working. Man, that stuff stinks!! The peas will hopefully shoot up again soon.

I have two pepper plants in the middle to use for making salsa also. 
Along the fence, I planted cucumbers, gourds, and sunflowers. They are slow to start, but hopefully will pick up soon and make use of the fence.

 I won't even post a pic of the tomato plant because you can't really see them yet, and they need weeded like everything else. Hopefully tomorrow afternoon I can really work on that! I also tried to plant broccoli, and never saw anything come up, until dad pointed them out to me tonight. They must have sprung up over the last two days since I checked.

I am feeling pretty good about everything though, and think that canning and processing all of this is going to keep me busy later this summer!

Postpartum Week 4

This week marks the 4th week of Ansel's life. Crazy. It's been both fast and slow, tiring and exciting, and filled with tears and laughter. The weeks might go fast, but the days that I can't figure out what is wrong go slow. I am tired from not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time, but excited about my precious little child growing and being part of my family. I've shed tears of frustration, and enjoyed laughter from those uncontrollable baby happenings like pee shooting across the room and poop exploding out the sides of the diaper. Oh, life with a new baby.

I've always been very independent, and liked to set my own schedule and go where I please, when I please. So, adjustment is interesting. I have to feed Ansel every three hours, so it ties me down, for lack of a better way to describe it. Not that I mind, but it definitely makes me rethink everything. If I feed/burp/change him from 9 am-10am, I have just two hours to leave the house with him and get back in time for the next feeding. (I'm not at the point yet where I feel comfortable breastfeeding out) Two hours is not that long! If my drive time is 10-15 minutes each way, that really only leaves me with an hour and a half to accomplish things. Whew! Not much time! That's been something to get used to. Today I went in to school so some of the teachers and students could meet Ansel, and I was 15 minutes late getting back to feed him, and let me tell you, he let me know.

Last week I felt like Ansel was getting better at feeding, and we could be done with the feeding routine in 30-40 minutes. He's started feeding longer this week though, and it's closer to 50 minutes every time. That means I am breastfeeding for 7 hours a day. Geez!

Breastfeeding. I've blogged before about how I like the Babywise philosophy for several reasons, so now I'm just working my way through the practical side of it. In trying to establish a schedule, they recommend 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours between feedings. I think most babies do this anyways. Ansel eats about every three hours through the morning and afternoon: 6 am, 9 am, 12 pm, 3 pm. Then he naps from 1 1/2 to 2 hours between feedings, after he has some wake-time with mommy. Then in the evening, sometimes he eats in 2 1/2 hour increments. I found that if it is just 2 hours, he doesn't seem to eat well. So the evening feedings are something like: 5:30 or 6 pm, 8 or 8:30 pm, and 10:30 or 11 pm. I put him in the crib to sleep after the 8 ish feeding. After the 11 feeding, he usually will sleep until 2 or 3 am. (Thank goodness! Three hours of sleep for me!) Then the day begins again.

As the weeks go on, I hope that the early AM feeding starts to drop. It would be really great if in a couple of weeks, he can sleep 11-6. That would just be amazing. But I think we still have some time to go on that one.... Last night though, he slept 11:30-5:45.

Other behaviors I have noticed: He is usually pretty alert after his morning feedings for a short time, and then goes back to nap easily. Usually this is the same in the afternoon. In the evening, however, he is more fussy, and sometimes doesn't even seem to sleep between when he eats. We try holding him, putting him in the bouncer or swing, and sometimes this helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Evening just must be his fussy time. This is difficult though, because it is still hard for me to know when he cries if he is really hungry, or just fussy or gassy, etc. And I can't hold him all the time! As much as I love him, I have the rest of the house and myself to take care of. He is precious, and I love our snuggle times, but I have to be able to get other things done. Maybe this sounds harsh. I know that he is still so little, and I do try to hold him and snuggle as much as I can. It's just I can't hold him all the time. But it is hard when he cries, because of course I don't want him to cry, but I know I have done everything I can to help it: just fed, clean diaper, burped, swaddled, etc. Emotionally this part is very difficult for me, because I don't like hearing him cry.

Then I will think that we are getting into a rhythm: last week he was eating 10 minutes on each breast. The last few days though, it took him 20 minutes to finish sometimes. Then he would only take 5 minutes on the other side! Ugh! Yesterday he seemed disinterested at a few feedings, and though I tried and tried to keep him going, he didn't eat very good. Then he was hungry early, and fussy, and the schedule is whacked again. Obviously I had to adapt a little in there. The bottom line is that I want what is best for him: full feedings to get the hindmilk, and then the time between feedings is better too. I keep telling myself that, and keep working towards full feedings. It's hard though, and I hope that we hit our breastfeeding stride soon. I keep telling myself that it is worth it, and it is so much better for Ansel. If I can just keep it up, I think we will get the hang of it. Practice makes perfect, right?

Ansel is a very grunt-y baby. He grunts as he goes to sleep, during his "active sleep" times, and during nursing times. It is kinda funny, and I guess it is just his was of processing things. He is starting to be more alert during wake times. He is tracking better with his eyes, looking towards the  mobile on the swing and toward the person talking to him. He is doing great during tummy time (though he doesn't like it) by holding his head up off the floor and turning it to the right side. He really favors the left side and almost always leans or turns his head to that side.

Another thing that I am dealing with is burping. I haven't been able to find a pattern with his burping, and maybe there just isn't one. Sometimes he will spit up a larger amount (once or twice a day), and other times it will be just a belch or small dribble out of his mouth. Since I haven't been able to find that "magic number" of time that he needs to burp, or position (over the shoulder, over the arm, over the lap), I feel like I am washing a lot of sheets, clothes, and changing table pads. But I've decided to just accept it. I try to burp him for five minutes or so, and just deal with it if he has a big burp 30 minutes later....

Emotionally, I feel like I am doing pretty good. Adjusting to life with baby is trying at times, but Justin, Ansel, and I are working through it together. I think what is bugging me still is the birth and how I feel about having kids again. Birth was really tough, and I don't think I'm being a sissy about it. I am month out, and sometimes I think I could have more kids, and other times I say no-way-in-H-E-double-hockey-sticks I am ever doing that again. But then I feel bad for thinking that. I mean, there are so many people out there who can't have kids, who have tried and tried and tried, and I stand back and choose not to do it again. It seems like I'm wasting my fertility or something. So then I feel guilty for being so frustrated over the birth. I think part of it is that I prepared so much for the birth, I really felt confident, and it was like I got all the worst case scenarios: back labor, 24 hours long, at night, 2 1/2 hours of pushing. Like all the classes, practice, relaxation, reading, ect was just a waste of time when labor and birth sucked anyways. So then I tell myself that it was always going to be tough, but I made it through. It still hasn't changed my mind about wanting to go through it again though.

I think I am rambling now and that last paragraph was a little too stream-of-consciousness for me. But working through my feelings post-labor and birth is like that. We always did want to foster to adopt, and right now that seems like a really good option. People who know me know I'm not a baby person, so maybe fostering starting at the toddler age would be a good fit for me. Yet I still feel guilty like that's somehow taking the easy way out. But I know there are so many kids in the foster system that need love too. See how conflicted I am? Ugh. One day it will all sort out. I am just going to concentrate on being the best mom for Ansel that I can right now. It's not like I have to plan the rest of my life right now.

I'm just so Type-A. I want to plan, to control. Sigh. I need to just trust God and let him lead through this stage first.

Enough of my frustrations for now!