Babywise Bashing

It really makes me sad when people bash Babywise. Usually, said people haven't even read the book! I'm fine if you have read the book and disagree with the philosophy, but read the book first. It's like saying you are a Republican (or Democrat or Green) just because your family is. You have to do the research yourself to make informed opinions. With that being said, I would like to post on some of the common misconceptions about Babywise.

1. Babywise babies are malnourished. 
 The premise of Babywise from birth on is that the baby should get a full feeding. If a baby is getting a full feeding each time he or she eats, then the baby will be getting plenty of nutrition, especially from breastfeeding mothers (many people do not realize that formula-fed babies can be on Babywise too). When a baby has a full belly, of course it will be able to go longer between feedings. The authors are very clear that in the first 1-2 weeks, the mother should feed the baby whenever the baby is hungry. Furthermore, while establishing a routine, the authors continually refer to growth charts for baby weight gain to tell mothers not to rush to space out feedings, because growth is the most important part in feeding. 

2. Babywise babies are hyper-scheduled. 
The term that Babywise uses to describe their style of feeding is parent-directed feeding (PDF). That means that the parent makes and informed decision about when to feed the baby. The baby is part of the larger family, which includes mom and dad and perhaps older siblings as well. Therefore, creating a routine that fits both baby and family means that everyone is getting the attention that they need. Dad and mom can still have their relationship, and older children still have time to spend with mom and dad too. In the early weeks, the mother will establish a first feeding that stays within a half-hour start time each morning, and the rest of the day falls into a routine after that first feeding. For example, the parent may set a start time of 6:30 am. If the baby wakes up hungry at 6:00 am, go ahead and feed him. Or if he is sleeping, wake him by 7:00 am to stay on a flexible schedule.  Younger babies will be eating every 2 to 2 1/2 hours, and as they grow they will lengthen the time between feedings to 3 or 3 1/2 hours. Flexibility is emphasized. Let's say the baby usually eats at 9:30 am but another sibling has an appointment at 10:00 am. Mother can make the decision to feed the baby early at 9:00 am in order to have the feeding done and make it to the appointment. Or, if the family is traveling on a plane and the baby is crying, the book encourages mom to consider others and not wait to feed him.

3. Babywise babies are left to cry without comfort for hours. 
While the authors state that crying is part of a baby's day and that the baby may cry when put down to nap, they do not say that the baby should cry for hours. It is important to realize that babies do not cry just because of hunger. Maybe their diaper needs changed, or they have a burp that needs to come out, or they want some snuggle time. If the baby had a full feeding an hour ago, it may not be hunger. PDF encourages parents to go through all the scenarios to find the source of the baby's cry. The authors also state explicitly that hunger is always a reason to feed the baby before his or her next routine feeding. The authors also warn mothers to keep an eye out for growth spurts, because baby will need to eat more frequently during those times and motherwill need to adjust the routine to meet the baby's needs.

4. Babywise babies are unhappy and have unmet emotional needs. 
This myth goes back to the idea that the baby is crying for hours without comfort, which is not happening. In reality, a predictable routine brings peace in knowing what to expect. Babies who fall into the routine wake up cooing from naps, not crying. (And I can attest that this is personally true with my baby). Furthermore, the routine developed in Babywise starts with feeding, then moves to wake time and finally nap time. The authors encourage much interaction, cuddling, and playing together during wake time, and has a whole chapter with activities to do with your baby during these times. If the mother and father are interacting with the baby in these alert times after feeding, this is where many emotional needs can be met. The physical need to eat is different than the emotional need for interaction. Certainly one can interact while eating, but it is not the only time emotional needs can be met.

5. Babywise mothers will have milk supply issues.
Again, a hyper-schedule is not what Babywise is about. In early weeks the authors warn not to let the baby sleep more than five hours between feedings at night, and to keep to 2 to 2 1/2 hours during the day, gradually moving up as the baby gets older and the stomach expands to hold more food. If the baby is nursing long enough to get full feedings each time, the mother's breast will be emptied and then fill again for the next feeding. Emptying the breast keeps milk supply up, but snack feedings may hurt milk supply. The book clearly talks about how when baby starts to sleep through the night, mom may need to feed more during the day to have enough stimulation (all mothers are different) so mom should keep an eye out. It also discourages moving too fast to eliminate night feedings or day feedings because of the same reason.

6. Babywise mothers are selfish and do not love their children.
It is not selfish to want a good night's sleep in order to have energy to take care of your family. The family includes the husband, which is the primary relationship, and other siblings as well as baby. Functioning on limited sleep for months at a time takes a toll on your health and emotions. Sleeping through the night is good for both mother and baby. Mothers knows she needs to be healthy to take care her baby, so helping set a routine that leads to longer nighttime sleep is loving and advantageous to everyone in the family.

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I would like to write a little about how Babywise has personally worked for me. I write this after my 9 week old son just slept 8 (yes, 8!) hours last night. During his first week, I fed him basically whenever he cried, 12 or so times a day. I realized early on that crying did not always equal hunger, so I changed a diaper or held him before I offered the breast if he had just eaten. I did feed him very frequently though and really, really worked to get a full feeding- tickling his feed, talking to him, blowing lightly on his face. He was nursing up to 20 minutes on each side and got used to feeling full. Even but the end of that week though, I was so worn out, so starting about week two I began to space feedings out, but really this happened pretty naturally since he was having a full stomach. From week three through about six, he was eating every three hours in the morning (6, 9, 12, 3) and then evening feedings would be 2 1/2 hours apart. Even at three to four weeks, he was going four hours between feedings at night, which allowed me three hours for sleep. Then I stopped waking him up after the last evening feeding (10 or 11 pm) around a month and he would go five hours between feedings, gradually working up to six hours some nights. Whatever time he got up in the night, I would try to feed him around 6:30 in the morning (sometimes 6, or 7) to establish that first morning feeding because I will be going back to work in the fall, and he will have to be on a schedule then anyway. Since he was about six weeks old, he has only got up for that early morning (3 or 4 am) feeding a handful of times. It has been great!! I feel so much better having slept. I can spend time with my hubby during Ansel's naps, get the house clean, prepare meals, even can produce from our garden. I should probably note that Ansel's eating and wake time is about 60 to 90 minutes, and then his nap is 90 to 120 minutes, filling in the rest of the three hours until his next meal. So he eats at 9:30 am, I change his diaper and get him dressed at 10 am, and then we play together, do tummy time, etc until 10:30, when he goes back to sleep for his nap. I think being on this routine will really help when I go back to work in the fall.

I realize that I have a very type-A personality and love to have a routine. I am sure that being into a routine like this might  make some people crazy who are more spontaneous. But it works for me. And actually, I hated breastfeeding at first but now I feel like I could maybe go even more than my goal of six months. Ansel is getting faster at eating (I know this comes with age) and really loves his schedule, waking up cooing from his naps. Yes, there were times of crying when we first started, but I think that would happen if we were on a routine or not. For example, he is almost always a little fussy in the evening, even if he just ate and I'm playing with him. Evening is just his fussy time. And for growth: he's 14 pounds at nine weeks, gaining over five pounds since birth. He's smiling all the time. I would say he is physically and emotionally nourished! Still, I respect people who follow a different philosophy of feeding, because each mother needs to do what she feels is best for her baby. Babywise works for me.

Baby Name Dilemma

With a birth-day coming soon for our little boy, I thought I would make a survey of some baby names we have considered. It's so hard to pick a name! Justin and I want something that is uncommon, but not weird. The common thing comes, perhaps, from teaching so many students. Say any name in the top 100 and I've probably had a student with that name, and with that name comes its associated memories. So it's tough to pick one. It's not that it's bad to have a top 100 name, it just that I don't want to say my baby's name and have three other kids in nursery turn their head. (Justin and I both have pretty common names, although spelling mine presents a problem many times).

Speaking of spelling, it needs to be easy to spell. And pronounce. Did I mention not in the top 100?

It's difficult.

We browsed several books. Here's some of them:
Beyond Jennifer and Jason, Madison and Montana by Linda Rosenkrantz & Pamela Satran
Hello My Name is Pabst by Miek Bruno and Kerry Sparks
Off-the-Grid Baby Names: 1,000s of Names Never in the Top 1,000 by Linda Rosenkrantz & Pamela Satran

We also availed ourselves to decade of SSA info at: http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

After all that, I made the survey. It has names we really are considering, and some that we totally aren't. I had to have those in their for quality control, right? And to keep it mysterious. But do complete the survey, whether you are friend, family, or stranger. I've already had several responses but want many more. It's so fun to read everyone's input!

Here's the link:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/T6397RQ

A Pregnancy Reading List

1) Wanting to be as prepared as possible, 2) being a reader anyways, I've been reading several books on pregnancy and birth. Now, I do realize that as much as I read and prepare, I can't possibly be ready for everything. I can't eliminate complications just by being educated and prepared. But I still think that "knowledge is power," so I've been reading. Especially as Justin and I want to do everything as natural as possible, since that is how we feel God intended and is right for us, we are trying to prepare towards that end.

(Let me have a little side note: I firmly believe that everyone needs to do what they feel is best for them and their baby. For us, that's avoiding inducing labor, interventions, epidurals, etc. I realize that each mom has to make individual decisions on this. Heck, I might even change my mind when I am in the middle of the situation. Certainly when I write about trying to have a natural birth, I'm not dogging anyone who wants pain relief, or I would be in sore trouble with my sister, who has had two beautiful children and did use pain relief. Her kids are healthy, precious, and thriving. So, again, realize I will be writing from the perspective of wanting a natural birth, but that I think each woman has to make her own decisions about this.)

Starting off, I borrowed a few books that give good overviews of pregnancy and birth.

• What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff - a classic, easy-to-read, question and answer format that allows you to find the info you need quickly; mainstream in terms of medical interventions during labor.
• Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month-to-Month from the American College of OBGYN's- I was given this by my doctor at my first prenatal checkup, and it goes into detail with illustrations for each month. Doesn't advocate for natural childbirth, but isn't necessarily against it.
• The Complete Illustrated Pregnancy Companion by Robin Weiss - This book isn't as comprehensive, but gives perhaps more of the emotional side of things, social preparation. Don't buy it, borrow it. I saw multiple typos.

As a runner, I really appreciated the following:

• Exercising Through Your Pregnancy by James Clapp- The idea is to keep up whatever you did before you were pregnant, but not start something new or uncomfortably challenging. Exercise is good for you during pregnancy, unless some health concern is addressed by your doctor. Lots of research and evidence behind this book.

On birth, I read the following:

• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin- This book has some great natural birth stories in the first half of the book, and the last half goes into the birth process itself. It is probably the best book I read because it respects the fact that God designed the woman's body to give birth. Birth is empowering and does not have to be feared. Much of medical society today tries to instill fear into birth, and then interventions are overused. A must-buy, must-read book.
• Husband-Coached Childbirth by Robert Bradley- Oh, please, read this book! I loved how it really is written to husbands, giving them knowledge to be able to coach their wives through natural birth. I want my husband by my side the whole time, and this book gives not just the birth process, but what to do before birth the make labor better. We actually did The Bradley Method childbirth classes after reading this book because we loved the philosophy of the husband being so involved.
• Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper (DVD with 6 births included)- If you are thinking about a water birth, home birth, or natural birth in a hospital, this is a great book. The DVD with video of births is somewhat dated in the styles, but who cares? The birth process hasn't changed. My husband and I watched the video together and it was great. Borrow from the library.

Also good choices, though the three mentioned above would be my recommendation if you don't have much time:

• Orgasmic Birth by Elizabeth Davis -All about enjoying childbirth instead of focusing on pain; good birth stories are included. Again, this book empowers women instead of instilling fear in the process.
• Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein This book is written by the same people that produced The Business of Being Born. Investigates current medical practice surrounding birth and choosing a birth that is right for you.  
• Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir by Cara Muhlhahn - Has some very interesting stories of her midwife experiences especially towards to end of the book; you could skim most of the first half. She was one of the midwives featured in the aforementioned The Business of Being Born.  
• The Doula Guide to Birth by Amanda Lowe- It has helpful charts/reference pages; might convince you to get a doula.
• The Official Lamaze Guide by Judith Lothian- Another birthing method, similar to Bradley in some ways. It's not just about breathing anymore; they have expanded their philosophy.
• The Dad's Playbook to Labor and Birth by Theresa Halvorsen- An easy read for the fathers who are busy and want the basics to be able to help their wives.

While many of these books overlap ideas, I always find something new or interesting in each. I think the point in reading is preparation, because preparation eases fear. I tell you right away that reading all of these books have helped me not to fear. Certainly I still worry about complications, but from reading so many birth stories, natural birth stories, I am much more confident. God made my body to give birth. There will be pain, but I don't have to fear it. In my mind, I keep likening it to training for my half-marathon. I didn't like the 10-mile long runs....my body hurt, I wanted to stop. But I accomplished something big in the long run. That's what I'm telling myself about birth. It will be worth it!

Now, won't it be interesting after birth to hear what happened? I can only prepare so much, and I humbly admit that!

Spring updates!

Check it out! I transplanted some flowers, and they are giving me some color already! Aren't they pretty?

It's so nice that the weather warmed up the last few days, and is supposed to stay this way for a bit! Spring break just ended for me, and I feel like a got a lot accomplished. I already blogged about moving the flower beds back in the front, so that was a big objective for spring break. I also got to spend time with family over Easter, and my niece and nephew, who are 2 and 4 months. They are growing so fast. I was able to have some people over from church and get to know them as well, another big plus.

Then, drum roll please, I have a good draft of my book done! It's over 59,000 words! Now I am just sending it out for people to read and give me some critical feedback. I hope to get it back from them by the start of summer, then make revisions and do some serious editing over summer break. If that happens, perhaps I will be able to send it to a publisher at the end of the summer. That whole process takes some time, so that will be a big step in the sequence. Whew... but now I at least feel like I have something to work with!

With that triumph, I'm out!

Jar of Dreams

Recently I read Jar of Dreams by Yoshiko Uchida. The only complaint I had was that it was too short! It was a tale of a Japanese-American family in the Bay area who struggled to make their way in America in the face of discrimination. The narrative is from a young girl's perspective. She has an aunt who comes to America to visit for the first time over the summer. While Rinko at first feels awkward of about her aunt, who fully embraces her Japanese heritage, over the summer her perspective changes.

I loved this book, because I made me understand the perspective of others. More than a hundred years ago, my family came over from Germany on my mom's side and Ireland on my dad's side. But I never experienced being an immigrant myself. Sure, I moved to another state after college, and there was a bit of culture shock going from Ohio to California, but nothing like what the family went through in Jar of Dreams. I can't pretend to understand, but reading this book definitely opened my eyes more. As a teacher, I really try to understand my students, some of which are recent immigrants.

Being from Rinko's perspective, all of the things her family faced were written simply, instead of being all political hodge-podge. While America isn't perfect, people still come for a chance of a better life. I hope as a teacher, I am always helping my students have a better life. That's why I read- to understand my world and my students better.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Recently I read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. It is set, of course, in Brooklyn, New York, at the beginning of the 20th century. At first, I thought it was going to be one of those overly-descriptive books. But after I got through a few pages, I realized how important the setting of the city was to the story. Francie, the main character who we watch grow into a young woman, experiences many trials from poverty and from a father who cannot shake his love of drink. While the father loves his family too, he never seems to be able to keep a steady job. Besides this, he is a loving and caring father, and Francie even feels that he understands her more than her mother, Katie, does. Francie's younger brother, Neeley, is the one who holds Katie's affections, though she tries not to show it.

Even in their poverty, Katie works relentlessly to pay the bills by cleaning the other flats in the building where they rent. Barely scraping by, the author heartrendingly describes Francie and Neeley hauling junk to the collector for a few extra pennies to spend on candy. However, Francie reads and reads and reads, and it is this love and curiosity for another world that drives her through this coming-of-age story. Katie pounds the importance of education and never taking a handout into their young minds, and it forces them to overcome what setbacks they might face.

It was so refreshing to see a family that stuck together no matter what. Even when Katie had to work more because Johnny, the father, couldn't hold a steady job as a singing waiter, she still loved him no matter what. While the novel never excuses Johnny's behavior, it instead highlights the faithfulness and love of Katie as she chooses to focus on the good qualities- his care for the children, his passion for her, and his carefree spirit that united the family. While the family sees much hardship before the end of the story, they remain close and uncompromising in their love for each other.

It was also very refreshing to see education and reading held in high esteem. Katie's mother tells her that she must read a page of the Bible (as good Catholics should) and a page of a great book (Katie was able to obtain a secondhand copy of Shakespeare's works) each night with the children. She does. Only seldom do they miss. When Francie can start going to the library by herself, she commits to reading a book every day. She starts with "A" and is working her way through the whole alphabet. Consequently, her imagination is ignited to the possibilities that life has to offer. If only our children at the beginning of the 21st century had this much enthusiasm for the printed word!!! (I continually commit to give my children that same exposure to books one day- starting when they are little ones.)

I wholeheartedly recommend this book. It is a great read, although it is a bit long. Still, each story folds into the over themes of the book and relates to Francie's growth as a young woman. I certainly came to tears at several points throughout the book. I am amazed how relevant the book was to our culture even today. Go get it. Read it soon!

To Sir, With Love

On Monday I went shopping with grandma H., and we went to Hobby Lobby, MGM shoes, and the thrift store. I always pick up a few books when I'm at the thrift store because they are so cheap. The book To Sir, With Love by E.R. Braithwaite  looked familiar. Had I heard about it in my college classes? It looked pretty interesting, since I am a teacher and it is about a teacher in London. The unique twist is that it deals with the racial prejudices against blacks in London at that time. The main character, who becomes a teacher, could not find any other jobs in London because of his skin color. He was highly educated, but no one would touch him. After almost two years of looking for work, and going to interviews only to be told they couldn't hire when they saw his color, he stoops to take a teaching position. (By the way, I love how he thinks that it would be easy!)

This teaching position is at a difficult school in town, where kids are poor and parents aren't the best support. Very much a working-class community. He definitely has a lot to accomplish. But, of course, after a rough start, he begins the task of teaching them knowledge about school and life, with respect for each other along the way. It really is quite inspiring.

There was just a bit of suggestive descriptions in the book, but nothing graphic. Far less than many teenage novels that are out right now, anyways. I would recommend it to high schoolers, but not junior highers, unless they were already mature readers. Certainly anyone in the teaching profession would enjoy perusing its pages. It doesn't end with all conflict gone, but it does end on an uplifting that this teacher has indeed instilled something of value into his students.

Apparently this was also  made into a movie. I was reading it between selling tickets to the volleyball game, and a few people commented on this fact. I might have to go find the movie somewhere, just to see how it compares to the book. All in all, I would recommend this book for anyone who is interested in either race relations in other countries or the teaching profession in general.