I have to admit that thinking of returning to work has brought me to tears several times over the last week. Just a few weeks are left before I return to teaching after being off since the beginning May, when my son Ansel was born. Do I want to stay home? Absolutely. Is it feasible right now for my family? Nope. My husband is about to start clinicals in September for his physical therapy assistant program, and therefore cannot work. So I'm the breadwinner this year. But back it up, because maybe looking at the whole story will give some perspective.
We were married five years ago, after my husband finished college (I had already graduated and been teaching for two years). We didn't want kids right away, for a couple of reasons. First, we wanted to get to know each other really well and have that foundational relationship super strong before kids came and started vying for attention. Second, we looked at it financially. We still had loans to pay off. I was doing grad school. Third, we were far away from our immediate family. Fourth, well, we just didn't want kids yet! But as time moves on, that itch starts to get stronger. I saw my sister having my adorable niece and nephew, and those in my age group at church were multiplying their family members. When we moved back to Ohio and bought our house, our loans were more manageable, and I realized I wasn't getting younger any time soon. Sure, it would be great to have the loans completely paid off, the car completely paid off, etc. But time just keeps ticking. I didn't want to wait much longer to have kids, because every thing will never be totally in order. Although I would like to feel completely in control, even if we waited another five years to have things paid off, something else would come up. My point is that I don't think there is really a perfect time to have kids. There will always be something that I want to accomplish (like build a house) but for me, to keep putting off kids was to try to trust myself and my plans more than I trusted God.
So at 27, we got pregnant and I had my first baby. He is so precious! Meanwhile my husband is back in school for his physical therapy assistant program, which ends after this year. As I mentioned before, he will not be able to work, so I will be the one bringing home the money this year. Of course I have worked for the past seven years, but this year we will have my income as the sole income. Financially this do-able, though we will have to be more careful than we have been in the past. House projects are on hold, and extra shopping is reduced (noticed I did not say eliminated-ha!).
But I am now a working mom. Childcare is going to cost me about $500 a month, which is just about as much as our house payment! While the sitter is just a few houses down, I will still miss Ansel while I am away from him. I will have to balance work, my baby (and breastfeeding!), and the cooking, cleaning, etc. Of course my husband will help with house things as much as he can, but he has night classes in addition to clinicals during the day, plus study time. It is going to be busy! But life has always been busy, so it is a matter of prioritizing to me.
Many emotions have surfaced through this transition. Jealousy of the moms who stay at home. Worry about leaving my three month old. Pride that I can help take care of my family. Relief to be away from the constant care. Anxiety about if I will still be a good mom. So many emotions. So I must look to God. First, I know that the Bible says that I must care for my home and family and follow God's plan for me as a wife (Titus 2:4-5, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5). That has to be the number one priority. This year, that care extends to me being the single income for our family while my husband is in school. Second, I also know that the Bible has clear examples of women working- Deborah was a military commander, and Lydia a seller of cloth. If I look at the Proverbs 31 woman, it seems pretty clear that she is involved in business activities outside of the home like real estate, selling textiles, etc. So a mom working outside the home has a Biblical precedent. Certainly I don't think that means that all moms should work outside the home. In fact, I look forward to the day that I can stay home!
I think this issue is divisive when it should not be. Working mom vs. stay at home mom: people try to debate who is making the bigger sacrifice, who is doing what is best for the family. It really seems that the Bible has examples of both. Maybe instead we need to look at it in the context of what is best for each family, with the marriage being the primary relationship. Is the wife working when the husband does not want her to? Is the wife working because the husband is lazy? These would be different issues. However, if the husband and wife have sat down together and are in agreement with the mom working, then it seems that is best for that family. In another scenario, what if the husband cannot work? I know of a father who is struggling with a disability, and therefore the wife must work. This husband worked for the majority of their 25+ year marriage, but now is physically unable to do the work that he did before. Of course it would make sense for the mother to work now. What about the spouse who works from home the majority of the time? In one family I know, a father works from home and takes care of the children, while the mother works as a nurse. That is a good solution for them.
For me, it will be hard for me to leave my baby and go to work, but I know it is just for a time. It will be stressful to be on one income, but I am grateful that God has provided a good job for me. It will be hard to find a balance, but I know God will grant grace.
God teaches me through every season of life, and I have no doubt I will learn from this one.
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