Cantwell Cliffs Hike: Red Trail

For our five-year anniversary we got away for the weekend to the beautiful Hocking Hills region. Since I grew up in Southern Ohio, I had already been to Ash Cave, Old Man's Cave, Cedar Falls, and Conkle's Hollow. My highest recommendations go to Ash Cave and the Rock House, though Cedar Falls is nice when the waterfall is flowing. I'm just not very impressed with Old Man's Cave or Conkle's Hollow, though of course they are filled with vibrant foliage and neat rock formations. The only major area I hadn't visited was Cantwell Cliffs, which I want to write about today.

We got out the baby carrier and our hiking shoes, and took the red trail around the rim of Cantwell Cliffs. If you are planning to hike, head down the trail from the parking lot and turn right at the first opportunity past the shelter. (If you go left, you will go right down into Fat Woman's Squeeze, and it's better to save the best for last). Continuing on, you will get a good view of the cliff from the top as you come to a small foot bridge. This is probably the best view of the cliffs that you will see. (Compared to the view from the top of Ash Cave, not as impressive). It would be good to come after a rain so there is more flow in the waterfall, because there was barely a trickle when we went today. Then it's another half mile or so and you will start to head down some steps; follow the red marks on the trees to head back towards Fat Woman's Squeeze.

Cliff view from top:                                     Cliff view from bottom:

Now you are in the valley and will notice the red in the rock and cool erosion mostly to your left. I know it has a technical name but I'm not science-y enough for that. Pretty soon you will come to the view from the bottom of the cliff that I mentioned earlier. You can climb up under it pretty close and there are a few side trails, but since I had our five-week old in the carrier, we avoided anything too slippery. In fact, if you are taking small children, keep a very close eye on them! Another quarter mile from this cliff view you will see another cliff, and then head up Fat Woman's Squeeze (a two foot wide crack in the rock) to the place you started. All in all, less than two  miles, though the climbing and stairs will make you winded.

We didn't hike the yellow trail, so I can't comment on that part. It was a pretty hike, but I still like Ash Cave for a similar but more impressive hike. For truly unique rock formations though, go to the Rock House. For more water and shorter hike, go to Ash Cave, Cedar Falls, or Old Man's Cave. Cedar

Don't forget to pack the bug spray. Lots and lots of bugs!!

Garden Update

My garden is doing well! I was able to get most of the vegetables planted before I had Ansel, which was a big help. Dad put in the tomatoes for me over the last two weeks. He came over tonight and helped to weed too. Boy, it needed to be weeded! I don't remember the weeds being this bad last year!! Earlier this week I weeded the inside of the peas and around a few zinnia plants, but dad did around the green beans for me today. I still need to get between the rows. It's just so hard to get out there with Ansel and his needs right now! Still, I am pleased.

I have oregano, parsley, and chives in planters, along with some carrots.

The green beans are looking awesome (except for the weeds!)

The zucchini really came up well. I should probably thin it out some more though.

I have a short fence around my peas for them to grow up on. They were doing really well, then I think deer or some other animal got in and bit all the tops off! GRRRR!! Dad suggested putting fabric sprayed with Deer Off on the fence, and it seems to be working. Man, that stuff stinks!! The peas will hopefully shoot up again soon.

I have two pepper plants in the middle to use for making salsa also. 
Along the fence, I planted cucumbers, gourds, and sunflowers. They are slow to start, but hopefully will pick up soon and make use of the fence.

 I won't even post a pic of the tomato plant because you can't really see them yet, and they need weeded like everything else. Hopefully tomorrow afternoon I can really work on that! I also tried to plant broccoli, and never saw anything come up, until dad pointed them out to me tonight. They must have sprung up over the last two days since I checked.

I am feeling pretty good about everything though, and think that canning and processing all of this is going to keep me busy later this summer!

Postpartum Week 4

This week marks the 4th week of Ansel's life. Crazy. It's been both fast and slow, tiring and exciting, and filled with tears and laughter. The weeks might go fast, but the days that I can't figure out what is wrong go slow. I am tired from not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time, but excited about my precious little child growing and being part of my family. I've shed tears of frustration, and enjoyed laughter from those uncontrollable baby happenings like pee shooting across the room and poop exploding out the sides of the diaper. Oh, life with a new baby.

I've always been very independent, and liked to set my own schedule and go where I please, when I please. So, adjustment is interesting. I have to feed Ansel every three hours, so it ties me down, for lack of a better way to describe it. Not that I mind, but it definitely makes me rethink everything. If I feed/burp/change him from 9 am-10am, I have just two hours to leave the house with him and get back in time for the next feeding. (I'm not at the point yet where I feel comfortable breastfeeding out) Two hours is not that long! If my drive time is 10-15 minutes each way, that really only leaves me with an hour and a half to accomplish things. Whew! Not much time! That's been something to get used to. Today I went in to school so some of the teachers and students could meet Ansel, and I was 15 minutes late getting back to feed him, and let me tell you, he let me know.

Last week I felt like Ansel was getting better at feeding, and we could be done with the feeding routine in 30-40 minutes. He's started feeding longer this week though, and it's closer to 50 minutes every time. That means I am breastfeeding for 7 hours a day. Geez!

Breastfeeding. I've blogged before about how I like the Babywise philosophy for several reasons, so now I'm just working my way through the practical side of it. In trying to establish a schedule, they recommend 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours between feedings. I think most babies do this anyways. Ansel eats about every three hours through the morning and afternoon: 6 am, 9 am, 12 pm, 3 pm. Then he naps from 1 1/2 to 2 hours between feedings, after he has some wake-time with mommy. Then in the evening, sometimes he eats in 2 1/2 hour increments. I found that if it is just 2 hours, he doesn't seem to eat well. So the evening feedings are something like: 5:30 or 6 pm, 8 or 8:30 pm, and 10:30 or 11 pm. I put him in the crib to sleep after the 8 ish feeding. After the 11 feeding, he usually will sleep until 2 or 3 am. (Thank goodness! Three hours of sleep for me!) Then the day begins again.

As the weeks go on, I hope that the early AM feeding starts to drop. It would be really great if in a couple of weeks, he can sleep 11-6. That would just be amazing. But I think we still have some time to go on that one.... Last night though, he slept 11:30-5:45.

Other behaviors I have noticed: He is usually pretty alert after his morning feedings for a short time, and then goes back to nap easily. Usually this is the same in the afternoon. In the evening, however, he is more fussy, and sometimes doesn't even seem to sleep between when he eats. We try holding him, putting him in the bouncer or swing, and sometimes this helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Evening just must be his fussy time. This is difficult though, because it is still hard for me to know when he cries if he is really hungry, or just fussy or gassy, etc. And I can't hold him all the time! As much as I love him, I have the rest of the house and myself to take care of. He is precious, and I love our snuggle times, but I have to be able to get other things done. Maybe this sounds harsh. I know that he is still so little, and I do try to hold him and snuggle as much as I can. It's just I can't hold him all the time. But it is hard when he cries, because of course I don't want him to cry, but I know I have done everything I can to help it: just fed, clean diaper, burped, swaddled, etc. Emotionally this part is very difficult for me, because I don't like hearing him cry.

Then I will think that we are getting into a rhythm: last week he was eating 10 minutes on each breast. The last few days though, it took him 20 minutes to finish sometimes. Then he would only take 5 minutes on the other side! Ugh! Yesterday he seemed disinterested at a few feedings, and though I tried and tried to keep him going, he didn't eat very good. Then he was hungry early, and fussy, and the schedule is whacked again. Obviously I had to adapt a little in there. The bottom line is that I want what is best for him: full feedings to get the hindmilk, and then the time between feedings is better too. I keep telling myself that, and keep working towards full feedings. It's hard though, and I hope that we hit our breastfeeding stride soon. I keep telling myself that it is worth it, and it is so much better for Ansel. If I can just keep it up, I think we will get the hang of it. Practice makes perfect, right?

Ansel is a very grunt-y baby. He grunts as he goes to sleep, during his "active sleep" times, and during nursing times. It is kinda funny, and I guess it is just his was of processing things. He is starting to be more alert during wake times. He is tracking better with his eyes, looking towards the  mobile on the swing and toward the person talking to him. He is doing great during tummy time (though he doesn't like it) by holding his head up off the floor and turning it to the right side. He really favors the left side and almost always leans or turns his head to that side.

Another thing that I am dealing with is burping. I haven't been able to find a pattern with his burping, and maybe there just isn't one. Sometimes he will spit up a larger amount (once or twice a day), and other times it will be just a belch or small dribble out of his mouth. Since I haven't been able to find that "magic number" of time that he needs to burp, or position (over the shoulder, over the arm, over the lap), I feel like I am washing a lot of sheets, clothes, and changing table pads. But I've decided to just accept it. I try to burp him for five minutes or so, and just deal with it if he has a big burp 30 minutes later....

Emotionally, I feel like I am doing pretty good. Adjusting to life with baby is trying at times, but Justin, Ansel, and I are working through it together. I think what is bugging me still is the birth and how I feel about having kids again. Birth was really tough, and I don't think I'm being a sissy about it. I am month out, and sometimes I think I could have more kids, and other times I say no-way-in-H-E-double-hockey-sticks I am ever doing that again. But then I feel bad for thinking that. I mean, there are so many people out there who can't have kids, who have tried and tried and tried, and I stand back and choose not to do it again. It seems like I'm wasting my fertility or something. So then I feel guilty for being so frustrated over the birth. I think part of it is that I prepared so much for the birth, I really felt confident, and it was like I got all the worst case scenarios: back labor, 24 hours long, at night, 2 1/2 hours of pushing. Like all the classes, practice, relaxation, reading, ect was just a waste of time when labor and birth sucked anyways. So then I tell myself that it was always going to be tough, but I made it through. It still hasn't changed my mind about wanting to go through it again though.

I think I am rambling now and that last paragraph was a little too stream-of-consciousness for me. But working through my feelings post-labor and birth is like that. We always did want to foster to adopt, and right now that seems like a really good option. People who know me know I'm not a baby person, so maybe fostering starting at the toddler age would be a good fit for me. Yet I still feel guilty like that's somehow taking the easy way out. But I know there are so many kids in the foster system that need love too. See how conflicted I am? Ugh. One day it will all sort out. I am just going to concentrate on being the best mom for Ansel that I can right now. It's not like I have to plan the rest of my life right now.

I'm just so Type-A. I want to plan, to control. Sigh. I need to just trust God and let him lead through this stage first.

Enough of my frustrations for now!  

Crunch Bar Cookies

It's the fourth week since baby was born, and I'm starting to find time to cook a little! It's nice to feel like life is adjusting to somewhat of a new schedule. More on that later... let's talk about food!

My favorite cookie recipe from my mom has pudding in it to make it super moist. I happened to pick up a bag of Crunch bars on sale, and decided I would use them instead of chocolate chips this time. What a good decision! They had an awesome little crunch factor that really upped the texture of the cookie. I thought I would share the recipe since I downed about a dozen all by myself. (Oops, did I just admit that?) Next time, I am going to do the same thing, except for add chunks of caramel too.
Crunch Bar Cookies

1) Beat until smooth and creamy:
1 c. butter
3/4 c. light brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
1 package chocolate pudding mix (4 serving size)
1 tsp. vanilla

2) Beat in:
2 eggs

3) Gradually add:
2 1/4 c. flour
1 tsp baking soda

4) Mix in:
1 1/2-2 cups Crunch bars, chopped into small squares

Batter will be stiff. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls about 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes. Let cool slightly before devouring! Don't burn your tongue!

*You can also use vanilla pudding to make classic chocolate chip cookies, and have fun experimenting with white chocolate chips and peanut butter chips.  

Using overripe bananas

In spite of my best efforts, I always seem to have bananas going bad. I use them in smoothies and eat them plain, and bug my hubby to eat them, but they just don't get used quick enough. I thought I would look for a recipe besides banana bread to use them, and I found one for banana cookies with oatmeal. Score for a slightly healthier cookie option!

I mixed up the recipe, which you can find HERE, and it wasn't very stiff for cookie dough, so I put it into a 9x13 and an 8x8. Glad I did, because when I baked it, it did end up more like bread.... but hey, at least I used the bananas and got some oatmeal in there too. Maybe my bananas were too ripe? Or bigger than standard? Not sure. I wish I could find a good recipe for cookies made with bananas.... this one tastes great, it's just not cookie texture.

Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss: 25 pounds!

During the course of my pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. They say a good typical gain is 25-35, so I felt pretty good about it as I progressed through the pregnancy. I didn't gain anything first trimester, and really only saw significant jumps after 5 months. For me, it was hard to see the scale go up, even though I knew I was eating right and exercising. I have always been conscious of my weight and had to work to stay in shape. (Not like my sister, who got the high metabolism...grrrr). So, once I had the baby, I was eager to see changes and lose the weight.

When I can home from the hospital, 10 pounds were off (8 lb 13 oz was baby) and I lost 4 inches from my waist. I was surprised that it wasn't more though, when I thought about the placenta, amniotic fluid, etc. that I lost during the birth. So that was a little discouraging. The first few days after the birth, my weight stayed pretty much the same. I think that was because I had swelling and extra fluid from my 3 hour stint on the morphine/fluid IV. By the end of the first week though, I started to see the pounds come off. By 9 days after birth, I was down 18 pounds and had lost another inch from my waist. By today, 15 days after birth, I has lost 25 pounds and another inch from my waist (6 total). Only 10 pounds to go to lose the baby weight!YES!

The thing that is so encouraging to me about all this, is that I have just continued to eat healthy, and have not been doing anything different. Well, I think that breastfeeding is a major factor in helping everything return to normal. I'm drinking a ton of water- maybe breastfeeding makes me thirsty or something! The soreness of birth has greatly reduced, and I'm walking about every other day. Nothing big, maybe a mile or so, with Ansel in the carrier. It feels so good to get out and walk!! I really want to be able to run again, but honestly, with nursing, it's just too soon for my breasts to be able to handle it. Even with a really supportive bra. Hopefully the tenderness of breastfeeding reduces soon though; I would really like to be able to run in another few weeks. Not because I want to push myself, but just because I miss running!

So, I have 10 pounds left to go. At this rate, let's hope it's gone in another week. But I have a feeling that it will take a little longer. Also, I really have another 10 on top of that to lose to return to where I would be content. Last spring, before we started trying to get pregnant, my insurance changed and I got a higher hormone dosage of birth control. Bad, bad idea. I gain 10 pounds in three months, and I think it was because of this. Even with training for the half marathon during the summer, and running in the fall, it never came off! This was so frustrating, because that stupid 10 pounds would not budge. I had been the same weight since graduating high school, and was healthy and comfortable there.

All in all, then, I have 20 pounds I would really like to lose. I know that it is going to be tough, but I am committed! It's about being healthy. Justin has a few extra he needs to lose too, and he likes going to the gym. I think we are going to try to get to the gym at least twice a week, and go on walks besides that. Hopefully in a couple of months we get it off!!

I'm excited at what has come off already, and determined to see the rest shed! I hope that I can look back on this post and see a goal met!

Breastfeeding and Babywise

Looking back, I thought breastfeeding would be easy. It's one of the most natural things in the world, right? Babies crawl right up to the breast after being born, and already know how to suckle. Mom's milk is the  most complete and easy nutrition available. 

If only it were really that easy.

I know I haven't had the toughest time, but I (and Ansel) are definitely learning. We had a few issues to work through in the beginning. Over the course of the first night, I would put him to my breast and he would eat. However, it definitely felt rather like pinching, and was not pleasant. I knew it shouldn't hurt, and we called the lactation consultant in the next morning. Ansel had certainly been sucking, and getting the colostrum, but he was indeed pinching me- and I had red marks to prove it. He was not getting a deep enough latch, the LC said, and probably needed his frenulum clipped (AKA he was tongue-tied). In combination with that, and sorry if this is TMI, apparently I have small (not inverted or flat) nipple buds, which compounded Ansel's latch problem. 

To solve the problem, the LC gave me nipple shields. I am convinced that whoever invented these should have a special place in heaven! What a huge help! They really helped Ansel latch on and saved me from feeling so pinched all the time. The LC had me use a hand pump to draw the nipple out for a minute or so, then put the nipple shield on. The nipple shield got us through the first week.

After the first week, I was starting to get annoyed at the nipple shields, just because it was an extra step. So, I started taking them off part way through the feeding a couple of times a day. Sometimes Ansel was willing, sometimes not. Sometimes, it hurt pretty bad. Finally, today, I was trying the side-lying position, which I hadn't used since the hospital, and forgot the nipple shield in the other room. I decided we would just try it without. Ansel did great! He fed 15 minutes on each side without it. I feel so good about this. Hopefully we can be almost done with using them, but I will have to see how tonight goes.

Now for Babywise. (I know not everyone agrees with the philosophy, but I just challenge people to actually read the book because it might be different that you think). The goal of the first week is to get full feedings every time I nurse. When Ansel had a full feeding, he lasted longer between feedings. Typically this was 2 1/2 to three hours, though at the end of the first week he had a few bouts of 2 hours... I felt like all I did was feed him! But he was giving me plenty of dirty diapers, both wet and poopy, so I know he was getting what he needed.

By Sunday though, I was ready to try to move him onto more of a schedule. I needed it, so I could get enough sleep, and he needed it, so that he knew what to expect. While Babywise encourages you to not really worry about the schedule in the second week (just get full feedings), I thought I would go ahead and try. I set up a 3 hour schedule, and put it at 6 am, 9 am, 12pm, 3 pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12 am, 3 am. I would feed him at those times, working to get him at least 10 minutes on each breast, and then give him "wake time," as Babywise calls it, and then put him down to sleep. Sometimes it takes Ansel longer to get a full feeding- 45 minutes or more- and his wake time is only 15 minutes or so. If I try to keep him up longer, he is actually crankier and has a harder time falling asleep. Then he will sleep for about two hours, at which point I will wake him up and feed him again, and repeat the cycle.

I really like this routine for several reasons. First, both Ansel and I know what to expect. Second, it gives me some type of sanity when I feel like all I do is feed him! I have at least an hour and a half to myself between each feeding that I can shower, take a nap, pick up the house, or something of that nature. It's helping me feel like life is returning to normal. Ansel is eating great too. He usually nurses for 10-15 minutes on each side. Then he is alert for a short time before being ready to sleep again. Now, it may take time for him to fall asleep. That is, he will cry for 5- 20 minutes sometimes. While I hate hearing him cry, I know that he has a full belly, he has had cuddle time, his diaper is clean, etc. He just has to learn to self-pacify. I do at times use a pacifier, because I think he is one of those babies that just needs to suck on something. But I try to only use it at night, when I really need to rest.

What is awesome is that over the last few nights, since I have started the 3 hour routine, Ansel has started sleeping longer. So, I feed him 9:00-9:45 pm, and he sleeps 9:45-1. That means I get a 3 hour block! So awesome. Tonight I am feeding him at 10 pm because we were a little off the 3 hour schedule, and hopefully I will only have to get up at 2 am, and then 6 am. Hopefully...... I don't want to spread feedings more than 4 hours this week because of my milk supply, but 4 hours during the night is so good for me to get rest and be a better mommy.

More updates as the weeks go by. Thank you, Babywise!

Postpartum: The First Week

I am on day 9 of my baby boy's life. We are starting to fall into a little more of a routine- eat, wake time, sleep time. (Thank you, Babywise. Another post on that later). What I would really like to write about is the emotional and physical side of the first week with Ansel.

Let's start with the physical. Everything hurts. Or just about everything! My legs had some swelling, which wasn't painful, but just uncomfortable from the fluid retention. I can deal with that. My biceps were sore...weird, I thought, but Justin kept trying to coach me to relax as I was kneeling over the birth ball, and it was just very difficult to do. But I can handle some muscle soreness too. My stomach wasn't sore, but it was a strange sensation to have my uterus contracting still as it returns to normal size. Certainly these aren't like labor contractions, not painful, but still something was happening that I could notice. My belly also felt so jiggly from the extra skin and the baby being out. Not that I had super in-shape abs before, but I certainly didn't have the tone that I had pre-pregnancy.  Most of these physical affects were greatly reduced after the first week. While I'm sure this is different for everyone, the lochia discharge greatly reduced after the first few days too. Still, it continues into the second week and is supposed to go on for several more.

When it comes to the physical aspect of breastfeeding, it was definitely uncomfortable when my milk "came in." The only solution that helped was to keep pumping to help the breasts not feel so full. I don't think I experienced severe engorgement though, like I had read about, but certainly it was uncomfortable since I am large-breasted. This lasted about two days, and by the end of the week my breasts seemed to start regulating themselves, as long as I fed Ansel every 2-3 hours.

But the worst physical affect was, as I'm sure you could guess, the soreness and achy-ness around the perineum. Thankfully the swelling went down after about two days, but everything was so tender. No burning when I used the restroom, but just very tender. Finding a comfortable position to sit was a challenge, especially with a big pad in my underwear the first few days. Definitely couldn't sit in any solid chairs, and ate dinner on the couch each night. The water bottle they gave me to help clean down there felt good, and the witch hazel pads to line the large pad were very beneficial. It just sucked that they ran out. Justin tried to find more for me but they didn't have the right kind. I took 800 mg of Motrin every 8 hours to help with the pain, and continue to take it. On day 9, I am still sore, but it has definitely gotten more manageable.

Then there were other physical revelations:
-Having a bowel movement is so easy!! I'm sure a healthy diet has to do with this, but after pushing the baby out, I think any bowel movement is easy! They did give me a stool softener after birth, but I didn't have any trouble with having a movement the first day or the days after.
-I can urinate at normal intervals again! I don't have to go every 30 minutes. Amazing how much I took that for granted! However, there were times I felt like I had a little less control when the urge to go hit, and I wonder if this was part of everything inside me shifting around.
-I am losing weight and not even trying! When I came home from the hospital, I had dropped about 10 pounds (baby and placenta) but still had swelling. As the week went on, each day the scale went down. I gained 35 pounds during the pregnancy, and 19 have already come off. It is so great to see the scale go down. I think that was something that was difficult for me- to see the scale keep going up during pregnancy, even though I knew it was for the baby and I was eating healthy and still exercising. I have always had to work to maintain a healthy weight, and I do worry about being able to get it all off. But the progress so far is encouraging, especially since the only thing I am really trying to watch is how many sweets I eat. Otherwise, I just continue to keep up with lots of fruits, veggies, proteins, and grains from the Brewer diet.
-I don't have to take a shower every day. Or at least, I didn't! Hahaha... every other day was really all I could handle between feeding the baby, feeding myself, and trying to get enough sleep.
-I didn't know my breasts could get any bigger! I am not a small chested person to begin with (usually I can find my size at VS), but I went up two sizes over the course of the pregnancy, and then when my milk came in, it was even worse. I'm committed to breastfeeding, but I will be glad when it's done, and hopefully I return to my former size.

Now, emotionally is a whole different story. Of course the physical pain affects the emotions, because I was just trying to cope with everything. There were certainly crying spells, especially at the beginning of the week. When we were driving home, for some reason I just let loose. Poor Justin, I mean, he hurt for me but there is only so much he could do. He just rubbed my leg as we drove. I think that the labor was just so intense, and went longer, and I had that uncontrollable leg shaking, and I had to do the IV, and I pushed for so long, all the tears just came out at once. So of course that first week, I am so tired, from not sleeping during the night of labor, and not sleeping the night at the hospital afterwards, that I would just cry sometimes. I didn't want anyone around but Justin. Even now, I don't want to see a lot of people. The amount of time I put in to feed and care for Ansel is pretty consuming, and I don't want to think about doing my hair or makeup, and I don't really want anyone to see me like that either. So I know that people care, but I didn't want to talk to them at all. The first wonderful person that brought a meal just handed it off to Justin.

Getting the hang of breastfeeding is tough, and I think I will have to do a whole post just on that, but that is pretty emotional too. Another reason to not see anyone. I had no privacy at the hospital, and when I came home, I just wanted peace to breastfeed and not worry about who was around. Really, I still feel this way. It's really something you have to work at! And it's every three hours, so it's pretty consuming! My grandparents came up on Saturday for a few hours, which I'm glad they did, but I still had to work in a feeding while they were here. (By the way, they were the perfect visitors- they brought food, gifts, and helped with chores while they were here- just the things that I needed!) Breastfeeding is emotional because I worried that Ansel is getting everything he needed. A week later, I know he is doing well because of all his wet and poopy diapers!   

I am thankful that my mom was and is around. She comes over for a few hours a day and cooks and cleans for me. It's so nice not to worry about those things. Sure, she gets to hold Ansel, but it's maybe for 15-20 minutes of her 3-4 hour stay. The rest of the time she does anything I say, which today was dusting baseboards and cleaning the ceiling fans. She's run to the store even. But I think the thing that helps me most is I can tell her when to leave, and she gets it. Sometimes I just need time alone. On one day, we had a few visitors, and I was tired and just wanted to be alone, so I just went in to feed Ansel and Justin told her it was time to go. And she understood. I really appreciate this about my mom. I know that she would have loved to be there for the birth, or to know when we went to the hospital, but that just wasn't what we wanted. I'm glad that we have been able to come to terms on it. So, to wrap this paragraph up, it has been an emotional help to have my mom as my own personal workhorse the first week! Part of me feels bad about "using" her like this, but I know that is how she shows that she cares, and as the weeks go on and I feel better, this will lessen as I can take it on.

I would be remiss not to talk about Justin during the first week postpartum. He took off the week, and did anything and everything I needed around the house. He got up with Ansel, changed his diapers, held him when I was frustrated, brought me food and medicine, wrote me cards and emails he knew I would read during the night feedings, rubbed my back, hugged me, and just told me over and over how strong I was and how proud he was of me. I needed to hear it after how tired and sore I was after the birth. He's really got the daddy thing down pat too. It's amazing how neither of us were too interested in other people's babies, but Ansel, our baby, is a different story. Justin was just everything I needed, and I am so glad I am married to him. Our bond is deep and strong, and we celebrate our 5 year anniversary next month!

So overall, the postpartum week was rough. Even looking back on it, it seems like a blur. It went fast, yet slow because of the sleep deprivation. This week is definitely improving. Even now, I am doing something while Ansel sleeps, because I was able to get more sleep last night, and did a nap earlier today. So the routine is starting to form. I still don't feel ready to entertain visitors, and want to be alone because it takes more energy to have people around. But there is a gradual improvement in my mood and my body. God is good. He's blessed me with a precious baby. It was worth it. (And I'm so glad birth and the first week is over!)

Our Birth Story: For Real

Warning: TMI ahead for sensitive readers...
I'm writing this because I think people should talk more about birth. The good and the bad.

Ansel Paul was born last Sunday, May 11 at 3:41 PM. He was 20 1/2 inches long and weighed 8 lbs 13 oz. A big boy! Man!  This is our birth story. It might contain TOO MUCH INFORMATION for some of you, but I'm not going to sugarcoat things, so here it goes...

First, I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions every 5 minutes for two weeks before my due date (May 10-Ansel came the day after). This was so exhausting because they would definitely keep me up at night, although they were not like the intensity of "real" labor contractions. May 10 finally rolled around and about 3 in the afternoon more intense contractions woke me up from a nap. We stayed home and walked, and tried to rest again, and went into Miami Valley around 10:30 PM. While I was 4 cent. at triage, they wanted me to walk, which I did, but had to stop and go hands-and-knees every three minutes when the contractions came. This was the beginning of a long night of back labor... they admitted us before midnight to Family Beginnings.

I labored some in the tub but didn't feel a lot of relief, and tried other positions. Justin was awesome and provided counter pressure on my back for pretty much every contraction the entire night. The back labor was really, really tough. I had progressed to 6 cm in the morning, but was so exhausted from being awake all night the midwife suggested an IV with morphine and fluids. (She also suggested a type of water injections in my back that provide relief, but I hate needles so this was not my preference. Being stuck once with an IV was bad enough). This enabled me to rest between contractions, though I still felt the pain of the contractions. I wish I hadn't had to do the morphine drip, but mentally and physically I had to have some kind of break.

When I came off of this after three hours, around 1 pm, my water broke and I was ready to push. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours... so intense! I'm not sure if the long night of back labor or pushing was worse though! (Just being honest). When he started to crown, I did feel a burning sensation like they say, but they showed me his head in a mirror, and that helped me focus and know that the end was coming. It's not like seeing the head erased the pain though, let's be real. The midwife let me know that she could do an episiotomy, but I wanted to keep pushing first. Finally his head came (what a little cone head), and then his shoulders had a little trouble, but then he was out! What a relief. Worth it but super tough. I did have a small tear, but the midwife said it might be just one stitch, so I said let it be. It can heal on its own. They placed Ansel on my belly for a short time, then took him to suction out some fluid. I had him back a few minutes after. During that time, the midwife was "massaging" my stomach to help expel the placenta and watch for blood loss. I say "massage" because it didn't feel good, and quite frankly I was so sick of having people touching me that I just wanted everyone off! Looking back, I wish I had seen the placenta, but they took it away, and I wasn't even thinking about it at the time. I was just looking back at Ansel as they made sure he was doing fine.

There were many times throughout the night that I felt like I just couldn't go on, but I just tried to take one contraction at a time. Mentally, it was so exhausting. I just wanted it done, and if I didn't hate needles so much, I might have ended up out of Family Beginnings and with an epidural. (Like I have said in previous posts, each mother has to do what is best for her. For me, I didn't feel like an epidural was best, especially since I heard of negative affects that can happen). There were also many times during that long two hours of pushing that I thought, "just do a c-section and get him out!" I knew the recovery from that is long though. Another very trying part of the pushing was when the midwife was providing pressure on my perineum so that I would not tear and would be able to push Ansel out. This was just a killer sharp pain, different than the pain of pushing. I know that it had to beneficial, but it really, really hurt. For pushing, I'm not sure how to describe the pain of pushing, except that it's like having the biggest bowel movement ever, and feeling like it will never come! And the intensity of the urge to push is just insane. I think I was pretty vocal during pushing... the poor other families in the two suites around mine- I probably sounded like I was dying!

Another physical and mental aspect of the birth was being checked to see if I was dilating. Nobody talks about this, and probably because it sucks! It was uncomfortable when the midwife checked me at my last appointment, but being checked during labor was horrible. Maybe I was just more sensitive, or maybe the midwife or nurses weren't as gentle. I don't know. But I was hoping only to be checked when I arrived and before I pushed, and in reality I was checked at least four times. Ugh. At the same time, I really needed to know what kind of progress I was making, so I did ask to be checked. But it just feels horrible.

Now, after the birth. I was able to rest in bed with Ansel on my chest, and began to nurse. That was a really special time. We held off calling anyone because, well, this was our time to be with our son. We had made it through 24 hours of labor, and we wanted that time to bond as a family. This is really important to us. Plus, I was just so exhausted, and so was Justin, who was up with me and supporting me the whole time! We needed to have some time without anyone else to enjoy the special wonder God gave us. We both really feel that by making the marriage commitment, we have dedicated ourselves to each other, and this bond supersedes all else as we grow our family. 

After some time, I needed to use the restroom. Wow, first time to use the restroom after birth... what can I say? It's a mess. I was still having lochia discharge, of course, and it just comes pouring out into the toilet. The nurse had me rinse off my perineum with a water bottle, they spray it with a numbing spray. Then she gave me the biggest pad ever- no lie- the thing was like 6x12 and witch hazel pads to also layer into the giant stretchy underwear. The witch hazel were a lifesaver! And I just remember how swelled everything down there was. Gosh, not pretty. Then they gave me a hospital gown to wear. (Before this, I labored buck naked. It's true that you lose your sense of modesty. But as soon as the birth was over, I got it back). But after that was all over, I laid back down with Ansel and rested. We ordered pizza and ate before we contacted anyone. I'm sure glad I did, because I didn't want to see anyone in that state.

Ansel has been very alert and active though and eating well. Justin was definitely awesome and supportive like a great coach the whole time, and I credit the good diet and exercise with getting me physically through everything. I'm still mentally processing everything with the birth, but let me tell you, I love my baby boy!! Yes, it was worth it. No, I don't know if I will ever do it again. I think I would rather run 1,000 marathons. It was a hard labor. But ask me another time. It's only been a week. :) Everyone's labor is different, but this is my birth story. I'm proud of myself, of my husband for guiding me through, and my baby for being strong through the process.

Before and After: Nursery

Problem areas in this room included: multiple textures on the walls, a horrible paint scheme, a chair rail, and flooring. To start with, we ripped off the chair rail. Then I undertook the task of completely retexturing the walls. I think I went through at least two 5-gallon buckets of mud for that project. I had to put a thin coat of mud with the trowel, then roll over it with textured sponge roller, then knock down the texture with the trowel. Yes, it took me a few days to finish. (I did try the spray-on texture, but it was no good. Too thin and runny to actually hold, and it didn't cover up the former texture enough for a unified look around the room.) Then we painted everything in Bittersweet Stem, which we also used for other rooms in the house that is from the Rustic Refined collection. Finally, the new wood laminate floor was laid, but you can't see much of it now because we have a rug.

Since this room is right next to our bedroom, it became the nursery. We had a lot of fun decorating with the Noah's Ark theme from Babies R Us. Now we just need to baby to arrive (a few more days, we hope!)

Before:

After: