Postpartum: The First Week

I am on day 9 of my baby boy's life. We are starting to fall into a little more of a routine- eat, wake time, sleep time. (Thank you, Babywise. Another post on that later). What I would really like to write about is the emotional and physical side of the first week with Ansel.

Let's start with the physical. Everything hurts. Or just about everything! My legs had some swelling, which wasn't painful, but just uncomfortable from the fluid retention. I can deal with that. My biceps were sore...weird, I thought, but Justin kept trying to coach me to relax as I was kneeling over the birth ball, and it was just very difficult to do. But I can handle some muscle soreness too. My stomach wasn't sore, but it was a strange sensation to have my uterus contracting still as it returns to normal size. Certainly these aren't like labor contractions, not painful, but still something was happening that I could notice. My belly also felt so jiggly from the extra skin and the baby being out. Not that I had super in-shape abs before, but I certainly didn't have the tone that I had pre-pregnancy.  Most of these physical affects were greatly reduced after the first week. While I'm sure this is different for everyone, the lochia discharge greatly reduced after the first few days too. Still, it continues into the second week and is supposed to go on for several more.

When it comes to the physical aspect of breastfeeding, it was definitely uncomfortable when my milk "came in." The only solution that helped was to keep pumping to help the breasts not feel so full. I don't think I experienced severe engorgement though, like I had read about, but certainly it was uncomfortable since I am large-breasted. This lasted about two days, and by the end of the week my breasts seemed to start regulating themselves, as long as I fed Ansel every 2-3 hours.

But the worst physical affect was, as I'm sure you could guess, the soreness and achy-ness around the perineum. Thankfully the swelling went down after about two days, but everything was so tender. No burning when I used the restroom, but just very tender. Finding a comfortable position to sit was a challenge, especially with a big pad in my underwear the first few days. Definitely couldn't sit in any solid chairs, and ate dinner on the couch each night. The water bottle they gave me to help clean down there felt good, and the witch hazel pads to line the large pad were very beneficial. It just sucked that they ran out. Justin tried to find more for me but they didn't have the right kind. I took 800 mg of Motrin every 8 hours to help with the pain, and continue to take it. On day 9, I am still sore, but it has definitely gotten more manageable.

Then there were other physical revelations:
-Having a bowel movement is so easy!! I'm sure a healthy diet has to do with this, but after pushing the baby out, I think any bowel movement is easy! They did give me a stool softener after birth, but I didn't have any trouble with having a movement the first day or the days after.
-I can urinate at normal intervals again! I don't have to go every 30 minutes. Amazing how much I took that for granted! However, there were times I felt like I had a little less control when the urge to go hit, and I wonder if this was part of everything inside me shifting around.
-I am losing weight and not even trying! When I came home from the hospital, I had dropped about 10 pounds (baby and placenta) but still had swelling. As the week went on, each day the scale went down. I gained 35 pounds during the pregnancy, and 19 have already come off. It is so great to see the scale go down. I think that was something that was difficult for me- to see the scale keep going up during pregnancy, even though I knew it was for the baby and I was eating healthy and still exercising. I have always had to work to maintain a healthy weight, and I do worry about being able to get it all off. But the progress so far is encouraging, especially since the only thing I am really trying to watch is how many sweets I eat. Otherwise, I just continue to keep up with lots of fruits, veggies, proteins, and grains from the Brewer diet.
-I don't have to take a shower every day. Or at least, I didn't! Hahaha... every other day was really all I could handle between feeding the baby, feeding myself, and trying to get enough sleep.
-I didn't know my breasts could get any bigger! I am not a small chested person to begin with (usually I can find my size at VS), but I went up two sizes over the course of the pregnancy, and then when my milk came in, it was even worse. I'm committed to breastfeeding, but I will be glad when it's done, and hopefully I return to my former size.

Now, emotionally is a whole different story. Of course the physical pain affects the emotions, because I was just trying to cope with everything. There were certainly crying spells, especially at the beginning of the week. When we were driving home, for some reason I just let loose. Poor Justin, I mean, he hurt for me but there is only so much he could do. He just rubbed my leg as we drove. I think that the labor was just so intense, and went longer, and I had that uncontrollable leg shaking, and I had to do the IV, and I pushed for so long, all the tears just came out at once. So of course that first week, I am so tired, from not sleeping during the night of labor, and not sleeping the night at the hospital afterwards, that I would just cry sometimes. I didn't want anyone around but Justin. Even now, I don't want to see a lot of people. The amount of time I put in to feed and care for Ansel is pretty consuming, and I don't want to think about doing my hair or makeup, and I don't really want anyone to see me like that either. So I know that people care, but I didn't want to talk to them at all. The first wonderful person that brought a meal just handed it off to Justin.

Getting the hang of breastfeeding is tough, and I think I will have to do a whole post just on that, but that is pretty emotional too. Another reason to not see anyone. I had no privacy at the hospital, and when I came home, I just wanted peace to breastfeed and not worry about who was around. Really, I still feel this way. It's really something you have to work at! And it's every three hours, so it's pretty consuming! My grandparents came up on Saturday for a few hours, which I'm glad they did, but I still had to work in a feeding while they were here. (By the way, they were the perfect visitors- they brought food, gifts, and helped with chores while they were here- just the things that I needed!) Breastfeeding is emotional because I worried that Ansel is getting everything he needed. A week later, I know he is doing well because of all his wet and poopy diapers!   

I am thankful that my mom was and is around. She comes over for a few hours a day and cooks and cleans for me. It's so nice not to worry about those things. Sure, she gets to hold Ansel, but it's maybe for 15-20 minutes of her 3-4 hour stay. The rest of the time she does anything I say, which today was dusting baseboards and cleaning the ceiling fans. She's run to the store even. But I think the thing that helps me most is I can tell her when to leave, and she gets it. Sometimes I just need time alone. On one day, we had a few visitors, and I was tired and just wanted to be alone, so I just went in to feed Ansel and Justin told her it was time to go. And she understood. I really appreciate this about my mom. I know that she would have loved to be there for the birth, or to know when we went to the hospital, but that just wasn't what we wanted. I'm glad that we have been able to come to terms on it. So, to wrap this paragraph up, it has been an emotional help to have my mom as my own personal workhorse the first week! Part of me feels bad about "using" her like this, but I know that is how she shows that she cares, and as the weeks go on and I feel better, this will lessen as I can take it on.

I would be remiss not to talk about Justin during the first week postpartum. He took off the week, and did anything and everything I needed around the house. He got up with Ansel, changed his diapers, held him when I was frustrated, brought me food and medicine, wrote me cards and emails he knew I would read during the night feedings, rubbed my back, hugged me, and just told me over and over how strong I was and how proud he was of me. I needed to hear it after how tired and sore I was after the birth. He's really got the daddy thing down pat too. It's amazing how neither of us were too interested in other people's babies, but Ansel, our baby, is a different story. Justin was just everything I needed, and I am so glad I am married to him. Our bond is deep and strong, and we celebrate our 5 year anniversary next month!

So overall, the postpartum week was rough. Even looking back on it, it seems like a blur. It went fast, yet slow because of the sleep deprivation. This week is definitely improving. Even now, I am doing something while Ansel sleeps, because I was able to get more sleep last night, and did a nap earlier today. So the routine is starting to form. I still don't feel ready to entertain visitors, and want to be alone because it takes more energy to have people around. But there is a gradual improvement in my mood and my body. God is good. He's blessed me with a precious baby. It was worth it. (And I'm so glad birth and the first week is over!)