Mocking Jay

SPOILER WARNING

So, finished Mockingjay last night. Close the book and felt like sobbing for hours. At the fact that Collins, the author, did such a great job or portraying evil and showing that it effects are never over, no matter how distant the trauma. I curled up beside my husband in bed and just wanted him to hold me.

I'm not going to lie, I don't know if I liked it (the ending). I already predicted that it wasn't going to turn out happy. I mean, whenever you have a three-sided romance, someone gets the bad end of the deal. But like a reviewist said, Katniss was in it to survive. And like Gale said, she would chose the one who she needs to survive. But my question was, did she really choose Peeta? Because that is who she ended up with. I guess when they returned to live in 12 after the whole mess, she didn't have to marry and have kids. So that was a choice. But still, for Gale to just stay away.... was that noble of him? I'm not sure I can call him noble when it could have been his fault that Prim died. He could think like the killers. And isn't that a little scary? Even after Katniss had been through the Games, she still had compassion and restraint. Perhaps that is why Gale didn't- because he had never been through the Games. Either way, I'm left so conflicted. Like Gale didn't live up to what I wanted him to... that perfect friend. If he was the perfect friend, would he have confused Katniss with the kisses? And to take a job in another district- is this what a friend would do? I guess I wanted him to watch out for her. But then again, even in the days before Katniss went to the games, they were partners, not lovers. So why did she still felt guilty about him seeing her kiss Peeta in the Games?

Peeta was always protecting Katniss in a selfless manner. At the Games and after. He did really care about her when he first said so in the interviews before the first Games. But even back when he gave her the bread, Katniss didn't seem to love him. It was just gratitude for survival. I think I am seeing what Katniss needs. To survive. Is this it? She does truly care for him.

In Catching Fire, I had started to really think Peeta and her would be together. I knew something drastic would have to happen to break the tension for Katniss between Peeta and Gale. So when Peeta was tortured beyond recognizing the real Katniss, I started to separate and think that Katniss would be with Gale, even with her devotion and care about Peeta. With the ending, I guess it just shows that evil affects everyone in a multitude of ways- no one can escape it. Maybe Gale wishes he would have volunteered for Peeta in the beginning, and been with Katniss the whole time. Since he didn't, does he regret it and feel that staying away is the best thing for her? Is he a minor character that I'm blowing out of proportion? Yet isn't he important to Katniss? (Maybe my personal experiences are clouding over with things that are happening to the characters, and I'm taking all of this too seriously. But I still have nagging questions in my head!)

Gale makes an interesting point about Katniss being drawn to pain- and since Peeta has more, Gale feels that he never has a chance.

Now, I went back and read the ending. The justification for being with Peeta is that Gale has fire, and Katniss doesn't need any more. Peeta is the dandelion, the rebirth. I think I can settle with this.

I can barely stand the fact that Prim dies. It's the ultimate horror- the sister she volunteered for in the Games ends up being killed in the Capitol, the people who would have sacrificed her for entertainment in the first place. Of course this is what drives Katniss insane, plus the fact that it could have been Gale, which seems to him the breaking point of pursuing Katniss any more.

I was glad that she killed Coin. I never liked her, really.

The blood smell and roses was sickening to read, which is probably why Snow seems so evil.

I'm really sad that Cinna died, but I suppose he lives on in the mockingjay suit.

One great part was Finnick telling all of the Capitol secrets. But I wish he never would have been put through the things that he did to know them. And somehow, the fact that Annie has a child doesn't right the fact that Finnick is gone and will never see it.

But this is Collins point, I think. To make readers see evil, and turn away from it. No one ever really wins in the end. Someone always loses something.