Our Birth Story: For Real

Warning: TMI ahead for sensitive readers...
I'm writing this because I think people should talk more about birth. The good and the bad.

Ansel Paul was born last Sunday, May 11 at 3:41 PM. He was 20 1/2 inches long and weighed 8 lbs 13 oz. A big boy! Man!  This is our birth story. It might contain TOO MUCH INFORMATION for some of you, but I'm not going to sugarcoat things, so here it goes...

First, I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions every 5 minutes for two weeks before my due date (May 10-Ansel came the day after). This was so exhausting because they would definitely keep me up at night, although they were not like the intensity of "real" labor contractions. May 10 finally rolled around and about 3 in the afternoon more intense contractions woke me up from a nap. We stayed home and walked, and tried to rest again, and went into Miami Valley around 10:30 PM. While I was 4 cent. at triage, they wanted me to walk, which I did, but had to stop and go hands-and-knees every three minutes when the contractions came. This was the beginning of a long night of back labor... they admitted us before midnight to Family Beginnings.

I labored some in the tub but didn't feel a lot of relief, and tried other positions. Justin was awesome and provided counter pressure on my back for pretty much every contraction the entire night. The back labor was really, really tough. I had progressed to 6 cm in the morning, but was so exhausted from being awake all night the midwife suggested an IV with morphine and fluids. (She also suggested a type of water injections in my back that provide relief, but I hate needles so this was not my preference. Being stuck once with an IV was bad enough). This enabled me to rest between contractions, though I still felt the pain of the contractions. I wish I hadn't had to do the morphine drip, but mentally and physically I had to have some kind of break.

When I came off of this after three hours, around 1 pm, my water broke and I was ready to push. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours... so intense! I'm not sure if the long night of back labor or pushing was worse though! (Just being honest). When he started to crown, I did feel a burning sensation like they say, but they showed me his head in a mirror, and that helped me focus and know that the end was coming. It's not like seeing the head erased the pain though, let's be real. The midwife let me know that she could do an episiotomy, but I wanted to keep pushing first. Finally his head came (what a little cone head), and then his shoulders had a little trouble, but then he was out! What a relief. Worth it but super tough. I did have a small tear, but the midwife said it might be just one stitch, so I said let it be. It can heal on its own. They placed Ansel on my belly for a short time, then took him to suction out some fluid. I had him back a few minutes after. During that time, the midwife was "massaging" my stomach to help expel the placenta and watch for blood loss. I say "massage" because it didn't feel good, and quite frankly I was so sick of having people touching me that I just wanted everyone off! Looking back, I wish I had seen the placenta, but they took it away, and I wasn't even thinking about it at the time. I was just looking back at Ansel as they made sure he was doing fine.

There were many times throughout the night that I felt like I just couldn't go on, but I just tried to take one contraction at a time. Mentally, it was so exhausting. I just wanted it done, and if I didn't hate needles so much, I might have ended up out of Family Beginnings and with an epidural. (Like I have said in previous posts, each mother has to do what is best for her. For me, I didn't feel like an epidural was best, especially since I heard of negative affects that can happen). There were also many times during that long two hours of pushing that I thought, "just do a c-section and get him out!" I knew the recovery from that is long though. Another very trying part of the pushing was when the midwife was providing pressure on my perineum so that I would not tear and would be able to push Ansel out. This was just a killer sharp pain, different than the pain of pushing. I know that it had to beneficial, but it really, really hurt. For pushing, I'm not sure how to describe the pain of pushing, except that it's like having the biggest bowel movement ever, and feeling like it will never come! And the intensity of the urge to push is just insane. I think I was pretty vocal during pushing... the poor other families in the two suites around mine- I probably sounded like I was dying!

Another physical and mental aspect of the birth was being checked to see if I was dilating. Nobody talks about this, and probably because it sucks! It was uncomfortable when the midwife checked me at my last appointment, but being checked during labor was horrible. Maybe I was just more sensitive, or maybe the midwife or nurses weren't as gentle. I don't know. But I was hoping only to be checked when I arrived and before I pushed, and in reality I was checked at least four times. Ugh. At the same time, I really needed to know what kind of progress I was making, so I did ask to be checked. But it just feels horrible.

Now, after the birth. I was able to rest in bed with Ansel on my chest, and began to nurse. That was a really special time. We held off calling anyone because, well, this was our time to be with our son. We had made it through 24 hours of labor, and we wanted that time to bond as a family. This is really important to us. Plus, I was just so exhausted, and so was Justin, who was up with me and supporting me the whole time! We needed to have some time without anyone else to enjoy the special wonder God gave us. We both really feel that by making the marriage commitment, we have dedicated ourselves to each other, and this bond supersedes all else as we grow our family. 

After some time, I needed to use the restroom. Wow, first time to use the restroom after birth... what can I say? It's a mess. I was still having lochia discharge, of course, and it just comes pouring out into the toilet. The nurse had me rinse off my perineum with a water bottle, they spray it with a numbing spray. Then she gave me the biggest pad ever- no lie- the thing was like 6x12 and witch hazel pads to also layer into the giant stretchy underwear. The witch hazel were a lifesaver! And I just remember how swelled everything down there was. Gosh, not pretty. Then they gave me a hospital gown to wear. (Before this, I labored buck naked. It's true that you lose your sense of modesty. But as soon as the birth was over, I got it back). But after that was all over, I laid back down with Ansel and rested. We ordered pizza and ate before we contacted anyone. I'm sure glad I did, because I didn't want to see anyone in that state.

Ansel has been very alert and active though and eating well. Justin was definitely awesome and supportive like a great coach the whole time, and I credit the good diet and exercise with getting me physically through everything. I'm still mentally processing everything with the birth, but let me tell you, I love my baby boy!! Yes, it was worth it. No, I don't know if I will ever do it again. I think I would rather run 1,000 marathons. It was a hard labor. But ask me another time. It's only been a week. :) Everyone's labor is different, but this is my birth story. I'm proud of myself, of my husband for guiding me through, and my baby for being strong through the process.